Successful and happy - a letter to Chinese Youth Students 2004 June 02 02:28:17 Microsoft Global Vice President Microsoft Asian Research Institute Premiere, Li Kaifa, I have repeatedly exchanged many exchanges with Chinese students. How to achieve excellent and excellent, how to become leadership. Recently, in Sina's chat room and many emails I received, I found that more Chinese students need to know how to be from excellent to excellence, but how to get active, from failure to success, from inferiority To confident, from the happiness, from fear to optimism. An extreme example is Magujue incident that occurred in Yunnan University in February 2004. Ma Jiajue killed his four students. However, from Mahajue to be arrested and the psychologist's dialogue content, he should not be an evil person, but a lost direction, lack of confidence, and children closed. He is the same as many college students, and it is urgent to know how to succeed, confident and happiness. My letter is written to those desire success but feel that success is indishable, eager to be confident but always self-complaints, eager to be happy but I don't know how to be happy. I hope this letter will bring a new definition of success, encourage readers to know and affirm themselves, be a happy person. Success is the best of your own American writer William Falkner said: "Don't do your best to compete with your colleagues. What you should care is that you have to be stronger than you." That is to hope that everyone is developing a model, measuring whether each person "success" is also a diverse standard: in the school to see the results, enter the society to see the fame and fortune. Especially in today's China, people's successful evaluation of a person, more of personal wealth as an indicator. However, can you contribute to the society with the best results? Is there a happy family? Real success should be diverse. Success may be that you have created new wealth or technology. It may be a happiness you have to bring others. It may be the trust of others in your job, or you may find the return of yourself, life with the world. the way. Everyone's success is unique. The first step in success: Grasping the goal of life, be a proactive person in the Sina chat room, when the netizen asked my life's goal, I am so answered: "There is only one time in life, I think the most important thing is to There is the greatest influence (IMPACT), can help you, help families, help the country, help the world, help the future, can make their days better, more efficient, able to bring happiness and happiness to them. " For me, life goals are not a slogan, but my best thinking, it has helped me to solve the problem in work and life many times. I gave up my work in the United States, I only came to China to create a Microsoft China Research Institute, that is, because I think the latter work has a greater influence. When I received a letter of confused students, I would like to write back to my letter, I will think: "How to make a bigger influence?" Ma Que also realized his life goals, but he is in The case was caught after being arrested. He said: "Sister, now I tell you a truth, my biggest problem is what I think is in the case ... After this thing, I will understand at this moment, I am wrong It is. In fact, the meaning of life is to have true feelings in the world. "If Ma Jia can realize the goals in a few months, he will not take a lot. So how do you find your goals? Many classmates ask me what their goals should be, I can't answer, because only one person can tell you what life is, that person is yourself. Only one place you can find your goals, that is your heart. I suggest you close your eyes and record the ideals of the first one in your mind, because the answer not thinking is the most sincere.
Or, you can also look back in the past, in your happiest, have the most sense of accomplishment, is there any common point? They are likely to be the best to motivate your life. Moreover, you can also imagine, 15 years later, when you get the perfect life, you will be in the environment? what's your job? What is the happiest thing? Of course, you may wish to talk to your friends and relatives and listen to their opinions. Second steps in success: try new areas, discover your interest in order to be the best yourself, the most important thing is to play all your potential, chase the most interested and most passionate. When you are interested in a certain field, you will not forget it when you walk, class or bathes, you will be more easily succeeded in this area. Further, if you have passion for this field, you may have forgotten it, and think of a idea when you sleep, you will jump. At this time, you are not working for success, but for "enjoy". Relatively speaking, things that are not interested are only half a matter, there is something possible. Even if you rely on qualifications or talents, you can definitely don't release all the potential. Therefore, I don't agree that every student is chasing the most popular profession. I think everyone should understand their interest, passion and ability (it is "conscious" in lovers), and in the field of their own Give full play to our potential. Bill Gates once said: "When you wake up every morning, it will be excited for technology progress to develop and improve the development and improvement of human life." 1977, because of the enthusiasm of the software, Bill Gates gave up Mathematic major. If he stays in Harvard to continue reading mathematics, be a professor of mathematics, can you imagine his potential to be suppressed? In 2002, Bill Gates took a 25 years after leading Microsoft, but he resolutely handed the CEO's work to Ballmer, because only this can be involved in his favorite work - as Chief Software Architect . Although Bill Gates was an excellent CEO, he made a significant contribution to the company's technical direction after he changed its chief software architect. More importantly, he is more passionate, happier, which also encourages all employees' morale. Good friends in Bill Gates, the world's second rich Valentine Buffett also recognizes the importance of passion. When the student invited him to indicate the direction: "I have no difference with you. If you must find a difference, it may be that I have the opportunity to do my favorite work every day. If you want me to give you advice This is what I can give you the best advice. "Bill Gates and Valentine Buffett give us another revelation, they love is not a vulgar, a cultivated fame and fortune, their fame and fortune is their ideal Brought by passion. A famous Economic Academy has done a survey. It has found that although most students want to chase fame and fortune during school, 90% are chasing ideals when they have enrolled, not chase fame and fortune. People. I just entered the college, I want to engage in law or political work. After more than a year, I found that I was not interested in it, and the academic performance was only in the middle. But I fell in love with the computer, and I am crazy every day, soon, I will attach the teacher and classmates. Finally, the day of the big two, I made a major decision: gave up the previous year's columbian's legal system has been cultivated, transferred to the University of Columbia silent computer system. I told myself that there is only one life in life, and it should not be wasted in a field without happiness and no sense of accomplishment. That day, my heart was ambiguous, and my spirit was excited. I promised myself that every homework was taken in three years.
If it is not the decision that day, I will not have achievements in the computer field, and I am likely to be a lawyer who is neither a unsuccessful and unhappy in a small town in the United States. So how do you find interest and passion? First, you have to separate your interests and talents. Doing yourself with talented things is prone to results, but don't think that it is your interest because you have done it. In order to find true interests and passion, you can ask yourself: For something, are you very eager to repeat it, can you happily, successfully complete it? Are you always forwarded from? Do you always learn it quickly? Does it always make you satisfied? Are you sincerely love it from your heart (not just from your mind)? Is the happiest thing in your life? Is it related to it? When you ask yourself, be careful not to integrate your parents 'expectations and social values and friends' impact into your answer. If you can clearly answer the above questions, you are lucky, because most students are spending or remorse in the university four years. If you still have not found the answer to these questions, I only have a suggestion: give yourself the most opportunity to contact the most choice. I remember that I just entered the doctoral class of Carnegie Mellon, the school has a mechanism that allows students to pick up the teacher. In the first month, each teacher makes the whole body to draw students. Because of this mechanism, I was fortunate to meet my teacher Rui Di, I chose my Ph.D. "Speech Recognition". Although not all schools have such a mechanism, you can learn from different schools, professional, topics and teachers, then pick your interest. You can also find interest hobbies through libraries, networks, lectures, communities, friends, email, etc. However, you can try it, but you can try you to find your favorite. My colleague Zhang Yinqin once said: "Those who dare to try must be a smart person. They will not lose, because they can learn from middle school even less, only those people who don't trick, are absolute The third step of success: "Successful third step: for interest, set stage sex, step by step into find your interest, the next step is to develop specific phased goals, step by step to your own ideals. First of all, what should you objectively assess from your interest and ideals? It is necessary to learn a class, read a book, do a more inclusive person, control your temper or become a better speaker? What is the difference between the perfect self-improvement of 15 years later? You should try our best to make up these gaps. For example, when I decided that my life is to maximize my influence, I found that I have the most lack of speech and communication skills. I used to talk to people, and I will be a student who will be afraid of speaking. I am very poor when I am teaching assistants, and students have even give me a nickname of "Opening Theater". Therefore, in order to achieve my ideals, I set a specific goal of improving speech and communication skills. Secondly, you should start the stage, specific goals, and then give full play to the traditional virtues of the Chinese - diligent, up and perseverance, and strive to complete the goal. For example, I ask myself to do two speeches every month, and every time I have to listen to my classmates or friends, give me feedback. I promise yourself, I don't reheal it, I will never go to the stage. I ask yourself to listen to the speech every month, and ask the excellent speaker.
When I repeatedly practiced the speech skills, I found a lot of secrets, such as: I don't have to speaking, I will express better when I tell the story, so I still prepare for speech, but I only use it when I use it. I found that I have answered the ability to have the ability to speaking, so I generally ask for more time to answer questions; I found something that I am not interested, I will no longer agree with those I am not interested. topic. A few years later, people around me praised my speech, and even some people think that I am a natural good speaker. Any goals must be actual, measurable, can't just stay in the slogan or empty talk. The purpose of the development of the goal is to advance, do not measure, you can't know if he has achieved progress. Therefore, you must simplify the abstraction, unaffected, unbalanced big goals into actual, measurable small objectives. For example, a few years ago, I have a goal to expand the interpersonal relationship between my company, but the goal of "more people" or "increased influence" is unable to measure and implement, I need to find a practical , Measurable targets. So, I ask myself "Every week and an influential person to eat, in the process of eating, this person will introduce an influential person to me." Measuring this target is "Every week to eat a meal, then I know one after the meal." Of course, I will not satisfy these basic "indicators". The purpose of expanding the interpersonal relationship network is to make the work more successful, so I will measure how much information from "Mon meals", how many people hired by my department is in such an interpersonal network. One year later, I did see my relationship network from these measurement standards. You must understand your ability when developing a specific goal. Target settings are unrealistic, but the goals are not fixed too low. Timely adjustments to the goals: If you exceed your expectations, you can increase the expectations; if you don't reach your expectations, you can lower your expectations. After reaching a goal, you can make more challenging goals; you must be tanneous when you fail, carefully summarize lessons. Confident is a person who consciously and self-confidence dare to try new areas, can develop their interests and talents faster, easier to succeed. Confident people are also happier, because he will not worry and make a failure. Many people think that self-confidence is success. A student is old, he has confident. An employee is always enhanced, and he also has confidence. But this is just a diverse success and a yuan. In fact, self-confidence is not necessarily a good thing. There is no conscious self-confidence will become proud, but will lose the respect and trust of others. Good confidence is conscious, that is, it is clear what you can do, what you can't do. When consciously confident, his probability of success is very large; when consciously people are not confident, he still tries to try, but will tell others honestly. The conscious person does not need to rely on success to enhance confidence, and will not lose confidence due to failure. Confidential first step: Don't look at yourself, give yourself to yourself If you always think that you can't do it, you can't get confident. For example, Magua once said: "I think I can't afford me too much ... I'm doing it ... Many people practiced than me, let me feel feeling." Although Ma Jia is very smart, he never truly confident. Confident secrets believe that you have your ability. Chinese ancient prides: "Born my materials must be useful", everyone has their own characteristics and strengths, worthy of value and play. I remember that I didn't understand in the class 11 years old. I didn't understand in the classroom. I once asked "1/7 conversion into a decimal is equal." Although I don't understand English, I have recognized "1/7" on the blackboard. This is what I used to "back". I immediately raised my hand and answered this question correctly.
Teachers who don't "back book" think that I am a "mathematical genius", and send me to participate in mathematics competitions, encourage me to join the mathematical summer camp to help students learn mathematics. Her encouragement and classmates gave me confident. I started telling myself, I have a math of math. At this time, I especially want to learn English well, because only this can learn more mathematical knowledge. This kind of education not only improves my confidence, but also helps me have made great progress in all aspects. Chinese-style education believes that people's growth is the process of continuous overcoming the shortcomings, so teachers are more criticized to make students make up for the worst discipline. Although each department should learn "enough good", the value of talent is to give full play to the most powerful advantages. US Gelph has recently a bestseller "now, discover your advantage." Gelp's researchers found that most people tried to "change their shortcomings in the growth process, hoping to make the shortcomings as the advantage", but they met more difficult and pain; and a few happiest, most The secret of success is "Strengthening your own advantages, and managing your own shortcomings." "Management of your own shortcomings" is to do well in short-term, "Strengthening your own advantages" is to spend most of their efforts to be interested in things, thus gaining unparalleled confidence. The "Growth" of Ling Zhijun has a lot of confident examples: the Director of the Microsoft Asian Institute, Zhou Mun, who took 108 bottles in "Student Labor", breaking the record, and gains confidence. He said: "I have always been confident, but this is a confidence. This is the happiest experience in my life, emitting a fascinating force, continues to today. I found the genius All secrets, actually only 6 words: don't look at yourself. "Self-confidence is a feeling, you don't have a way to use the back book" learning "confidence, and the only way to" learn "is" training "you Brain. To get confident, you must be your best label team, you may wish to think about it before you go to bed, what happened today worth your pride? Have you got good results? Do you help others? Is there anything beyond your expectations? Does anyone praise you? I believe that everyone can find a success every day, you will slowly discover that these "small success" may become more and more meaningful. Confident second step: use perseverance, courage, from success, increase consciousness from failure Sometimes, you may have not done something, I don't know if I can make it. At this time, in addition to perseverance, you still need courage. I used to work in my work, and the general communication has no problem, but I can't speak in front of the president. Until one day, the company wants to discuss the reorganization, the president convened more than a dozen people, and he asked everyone to speak. I thought that since I must talk, it would be better to tell my heart. So, I was brave and said: "Our company, the employee's IQ is high, but our efficiency is poor than anyone, because we will reorganize all day, regardless of employee feelings and ideas ..." After I finished, The whole meeting room is silent. After the meeting, many colleagues sent me email. "You are really good, I really hope that I also have your courage to say this." As a result, the president not only accepted my suggestion, changed the company's policy, and I often quote my words. Since then, I am full of confidence, not afraid to speak in front of anyone. At the same time as courage to try new things, there must be courage to face failed. Everyone can not only do the destined thing to fail with the courage.
But when you are afraid, you may wish to think about it, what are you losing? What is the worst place? Can you accept it? In the above example, if the president denies my view, will he not respect me? Not only don't, others will like it will think that I am courageous. Moreover, conscious people will learn from failure, recognize what they are not suitable, and then improve their consciousness. A confident and conscious person, if you can do your new things, and perseverance make it good, he will get confidence from success, add consciousness from failure. Confident third step: consciously specifically depends on specific goals, and listen to others' assessment and cultivate self-confidence to set specific goals, step by step. These goals must also be measurable. I talked to my daughter in front of the president, because her teacher thought she was very shy and said in school, I would like to encourage her to speak. She agreed to try it. I made a measured, actual goal: she raised her every day, if I insisted on a month. Then we slowly increase the number of times of raising hands. A year later, the teacher noticed that she had enough confidence in the classroom. Self-confidence is not self-default, not allow you to make mistakes, or over-self-centered, lose objective position. I have a unpleasant colleague. He looked for "I will never be wrong". He is very confident, once it proves that his sentence is right, he will remind everyone that he has already said it a few months ago. But because he was almost confident, once he proved that his sentence was wrong, he would pay attention to him, or at all. Although his correct rate is as high as 95%, 5% of the mistakes have lost his reputation and the respect of others. There are two levels in the emotional business: conscious people will not exhably criticize themselves, and they will not be optimistic, they can objectively assess themselves. Therefore, they will frank their ability to face their ability and will not easily accept work outside their capacity. Of course, they are still willing to accept challenges, but they will be an objective risk assessment when they accept challenges. Such people are also honest to others, but also honest with others. Facing failures frankly will be trusted by others because they know that you have accepted the lesson. Facing your shortcomings will also be respectful, because they know that you will not do itself. The conscious person not only evaluates himself fairly, but also takes the initiative to ask the people around you to criticize and feedback. They understand that although they are very conscious, they are more important in the eyes of others. On the one hand, I am more objective in the eyes of others. On the other hand, I am really existing in my eyes, that is, if others think you are wrong, only you think that there is nothing wrong, then in society, school Or the company's eyes, you are wrong. So, you have to understand and accept the ideas of others, and as the ultimate goal of others. For example, my daughter can evaluate their speeches every day, but in the end, she only reached the final goal when the teacher and the students thought she was a cheerful, thoughtful student. It is not easy to get frank feedback, especially negative feedback. So, you can best have some brave and honest friends, they are willing to tell you the truth in private. Of course, you can't have any dissatisfaction with negative feedback, otherwise you can't hear the truth in the future. In addition to private feedback, in the United States, there is also a "360 degree" commentary, which can be survey on employee's boss and subordinates. Because this survey is anonymous, it is often able to get real opinions. If many people say that you still have to improve in a certain area, this point is more convincing than your own or boss.
Although there is no such formal investigation in the school, you can still try our best to understand the idea of others. Ma Que said: "The classmates can't afford me." In fact, if he has the courage to trust the classmates trust, he may find that he is wrong, maybe I will find a friend, may confirm that my classmates really can't afford him and understand them. Cause, then self-improvement. Honest exchanges and sincere friends may help Ma Que to avoid tragedy. Happiness is more important for scientific research proves: people with good mood can make the potential; happy can improve the efficiency, creativity and correct decision-making; happy people have an open mind, willing to help others. But with it brings success, it is not as good as the purpose of success. I have suggested that the students chased their ideals and interests. In fact, they do their own ideals, interested things are a kind of happiness. So, happiness should be our ultimate goal than success. Happy first step: accept your parents, the environment, the unhappy people always have some helpless things, do not like themselves, parents and teachers, do not want to read boring books, do not want to deal with the exam. For these helpless things, I hope that the students can learn to accept them calmly. In all "Can't change things", the least change is the parent, and the most receiving is also parents. Many students say: "Parents don't understand me, don't accept me, don't experience my thoughts, I always ask me to use their values and philosophy to study, study, study. So I always avoid them, more and more loneliness "For these students, my answer includes the following two aspects: First, you should accept your parents, don't be self-enclosed because I feel that my parents don't understand you. Parents' growth environment, different ways of thinking, their definitions of success may also be different, and have a big difference between your expectations to your expectations. But their life is more than you, experience is better than you, you can't premise them for the mainstay. In addition, you must understand that parents are people who love you in the world. They are only those who can pay for you unconditionally, you should accept your parents unconditionally. If we despise, exclude parents, no vastness is disrespectful to your life, how can you happiness? Second, you can try to change the idea of your parents, but you should first ask, do you understand and accept your parents? Can you experience the idea of your parents? When you complain that your parents always expect you to perfect, are you not in your expectation of your parents? So, before you ask them to understand you, you should first understand them, so you can communicate more successfully. After mutual understanding, maybe you still have different opinions but can understand each other, maybe you or they will change the original views. In addition to accepting parents, you should also accept things that cannot be changed in the environment. Some students expect them to take the topic they think that they don't use. They don't have to go to the class that they don't use, don't have to listen to the teachers who don't trust. But in society, we must learn to accept things that cannot be changed. Ling Zhijun said: "If I meet the conflict between 'and' I like to do things ', I will arrange a timetable for yourself, and complete the things you should do every day.' - Timetable can motivate you to concentrate and improve efficiency. Then go to do something that you like to do '. "Life is limited, everyone should use limited time in" like to do things ", but must first What should be done is good enough. When you start living with yourself, accept and like yourself, accepting and approaching your parents, you will find that you can't change in your environment, you will find that you start happiness.
Happy second step: venting your emotions, control your temper psychologist thinking that Ma Jiajue "is always lonely, because he is always reluctant to communicate with people, do not want to say that yourself feel ..." Ma Jiajue also wrote on the letter to the loved ones: "I can't tell the words of this person." If Ma Jia is directly venting his own feelings, he may prevent tragedy. Afterwards, Ma Kajue also thought: "When you escape, you can choose your stupid, you can choose to quarrel, there is no need to kill." The Chinese always thinks, the implicit is virtue. But I think that in today's era, straightforward communication is more important. When you turn your corner, you don't feel the heart. If you look at it, you don't say that it is bad habits. There is a Chinese boss and his subordinates, he asked me if I should ask the third party mediation, I give him a suggestion: because this is an emotional thing, you should go directly to the subordinates; third party is old Maybe it may be said to violate you or your own willingness (for example, you are already mistaken, but in fact you are not), this will cause more trouble. Of course, on emotional issues, directly communicate also requires techniques. For example, if the boss said to the subordinates: "You are wrong, but I don't care with you." Then the subordinates will definitely feel. If the boss says: "You are so many people, it is obviously what you want to grab my job." The result is even more imagined. Obviously, when you communicate directly, don't be arguing the wrong, don't guess others' motivation, don't take the opportunity to make up. The most effective communication is to talk about your feelings. For example, the boss can say: "When you are in front of me, I feel lost dignity, very difficult." Such a sentence is not refuted, or even possibilities It will cause understanding and sympathy. When you are burning in anger, it is not easy to transform the angry words into sensibility. To do this, we need to rely on "consciousness" and "self-control". Conscious people know when they will be angry and sorrow, and it will understand what consequences will cause joyful and sorrows. If he feels angry, he will not instantly explode, because he knows the consequences of the explosion, but he will not suppress his feelings, because it will cause great harm to the soul, he usually use the most constructive Way handling. Positive, inductive communication can reduce the atmosphere of the fire. Feelings and communication are most infectious, you can use constructive, tolerant attitude to communicate with others and affect others. If you think self-control is not easy, then you can ask your friends to keep your friends. A boss in the past is often unable to pick up, and he is angry with a precursor: he will take you with a diamond problem, then he began to shock, and finally he got a temper. But he wanted to change this problem, so he asked me to use a "secret" when seeing prognosis every time, "such as" Let's go forward ") to remind him. After a few times, "Miki" reminded, he has the ability to consciously and self - control, and no longer need someone to remind it. Happy third step: someone shares a happy double, some people share painful halving scientific research tells us that the best way to regulate their mood is to find a close people to talk and communicate. According to yes, the feelings are derived from the LYMBIC system of the human brain, and the system mainly rely on contact with others. Scientific proven, two people talking together will slowly reach the same psychological status (jumiting and sorrowful music) and physiological state (body temperature, heartbeat, etc.). Therefore, if we want to meet the balance of feelings, we must understand others. Communication with people is the only way to enhance your emotions and happiness. People who are isolated from the world will only get more and more depressed. There is an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an ancient saying: "Some people share more than double, some people share pain and halve."
