Life has many staged phases, must be graduated. Children first learn to turn over, sit, crawl, and then learn to walk, run. Every step is very important, and it takes time, no step can be omitted. Similarly, all levels of life, small to school piano, or get along with colleagues; large to individuals, families, marriage and society, is not the case.
However, in tangible things, we can accept the principle of "step-by-step". But in the spiritual field, interpersonal relationship
The system, even personal character, the average person is not necessarily to understand this principle. Even if you understand, it is not necessarily recognized or practiced. So someone is inevitably wanting to copy close, and trying to speculate.
But shorten the process of natural growth and development, what is the result? Suppose your tennis technology is ordinary, but it wants to have a higher strength, just to give a deep impression, the ending does not ask. Can you help you defeat your professional master with high will? Also assume your pian art flat, but the strength of the relatives and friends, the soul is a day.
If you want to be alive, you will not violate the nature, but also inch is difficult, you will only disappoint you, deepen frustration. If you take a 10-point ruler to measure, if I am only 2 points in any level, I want to reach 5 points, then I must first move into 3 points. The so-called "a journey of a thousand miles begins with the feet", it is this truth.
If the student refuses to ask questions, refuse to expose your ignorance, refuse to let the teacher know that he is really extent, then you can't learn something, you can't grow. Moreover, it has always been dismantled for a long time. Into my ignorance is often a first step in knowing. The Henry David Thoreau has said:
If we are busy showing your own knowledge, what will I recall the ignorance of the growth?
I remember once, two daughters of a friend cried to me, complaining that their father is too strict, I don't know. They didn't dare to spit to their parents, but they urged their parents' love, care and teaching.
I talk about my friends. He admitted that his temper is not good, but it is not willing to be responsible for his own behavior. His self-esteem makes him unable to change the first step.
Get along with spouses, children, friends or colleagues, the most tight thing is to learn to listen, which requires quite mature cultivation. Listening to the patient, open and want to know the sincerity of the other party, these are mature personality. On the contrary, self-talking, do not respect others but easily.
When playing tennis or playing the piano, the individual's strength is often judged, but the maturity of the character and emotions is not easy to distinguish. Therefore, in front of strangers and even colleagues, we can disappear, and it is not dismantled for a moment, and even deceives yourself. But I believe that ordinary people have more people in their own personality, and others are not a fool.
I have seen too many examples of discussion but futile, especially like this. Many business executives try to achieve the goal of improving productivity, morale and improving quality, service levels, through powerful speeches, smile training, put pressure, or goodwill, hostile purchases. Although they "purchased" new corporate culture, they ignored such an atmosphere that is difficult to establish mutual trust. And once these means are not obvious, they have to help other techniques. In fact, only on the basis of natural and gradual, it can develop highly trusted corporate culture.
I have also made the same fault. On the day of my daughter's 3-year-old birthday, I found that the atmosphere was not very right. She stood in the corner of the living room, holding a gift in her hand, and she will not let other children play. In the face of parents present, I think it is divissed, because I am taught in interpersonal relationships at the time. I thought, I should take this opportunity to teach my daughter's concept, which is one of the most basic values.
So I first use the order: "Baby, please give the gift to everyone to everyone, is it good?" "No!" She did not hesitate to refuse.
Then, I tried to tell her: "You are now willing to play with children, next time you go to their home, they will give you to you."
As a result, she still refused. I feel very embarrassed, and even the 3-year-old child is not good. I have to bribe, I said softly to her: "If you will let other children play toys, Dad will give you a special prize - a chewing gum."
She yelled: "I don't want chewing gum."
At this time, I also porn it, threatened: "If you don't let your toys, you see how I will punish you!"
The daughter cried: "I don't care, these are my toys, I don't want to play with others!"
Finally, I had to take forced means, hardly grab some toys from other children from her hand.
Perhaps my daughter needs to experience the feelings, and then pay for it. (In fact, if you have never had, how do you pay?) As a father, my emotions should be quite calm, knowing that she needs this stage.
However, I was worried about the reaction of other parents, and the degree of its extent beyond the growth and parent-child relationship of children. I just intuitively determine that I am right, she is not willing to let it be wrong.
Perhaps because I am not mature enough, I have done a high demand for my daughter. I lack patience, I can't understand the young heart, and I look forward to her understanding. Finally, only the authority of my father, forced her to do it.
Anti-weakness is highlighted, because you must rely on external forces to achieve your goal. It not only hinders the growth of being forced to come from one party, but also hinders its development of independent judgment and self-discipline, more than a proficiency of each other. The result is a fear of psychological replacement attitude, and in the end, both sides are eager to self-insurance. What's more, you are borrowing the advantage - whether it is a body, strength, position, authority, academic qualifications, social status, appearance, or past achievements - what should I do if there is even disappearance?
If I am more mature, I will not resort to my father's authority, and I will understand the concept of giving concept and child, and based on the position of love and education, let the daughter decide not to let the toys. Perhaps after the explanation, I can take the children to be a fun game, transfer their attention, and lift the psychological pressure of my daughter. Now I have understood that once the child realizes the truly feeling, it is natural to share with others.
Experience tells me that teachings to teach children to be applied. When the relationship is tight and the atmosphere is stiff, the teaching will be considered a value judgment and negation. However, when privately gathered, it is very good, and the effect is excellent. Unfortunately, I can't experience this year.
