Morality and personal charm?
At that time, I was studying all the literature of all discussion of success since 1777. I haven't read or browsed the ones, the themes all over the self, the public psychology, and self-help, etc. It is considered to be aware of the theory of the success of all the successful people who love free democracy.
From the 200 years of work, I noticed a surprising trend. That is to discuss success in the past 50 years is very beautiful, talking about how to use social image skills and how successful shortcuts. But it is often a headache for medical head, the pedicure of the pedicure, the treatment standard is not true.
In contrast, the work of the first 150 years is very different. These early discussing the "character ethic" is the foundation of success, such as integrity, modest, integrity, diligence, simple, patience, courage, justice and some calls. The autobiography of Benjamin Franklin is the representative of this period, and the content mainly describes how people work hard to carry out moral cultivation.
The success of morality emphasizes that the successful life and basic moral morality are not. Only cultivating yourself with morality can enjoy the truly success and a long time.
However, shortly after the First World War, people changed the basic concept of success. It is emphasized that "Personality" is emphasized, "Personality", which will succeed and whether it depends on the personality, social image, and the round cooked skills to maintain good interpersonal relationships. This trend of thinking is developed in two major directions: First, there is a high relationship and public relations skills; one is to advocate active enterprising mentality. Some of this derived behavior, some is indeed Jinke Yuxi, for example: "Attitude determined success or failure", "smile is more than frowning more able to win friends" and "there is a strong thing to become", but it will encourage play without avoiding Means, deceive others. For example, use skill to win good feelings, disguise yourself with your intelligence, or a bluff, or even reach your goals with a threat.
This kind of spirit, some certainly recognize that morality is one of the elements of success, but most of them pay attention to, just grass strip. For the author, morality is just the skill and shortcut to the facade of makeup.
Under the two-phase comparison, I finally learned that in the past, I have been influenced by this expressing concept in Sandra Sate, and I will take the above practices. In fact, let's do it for your own social image. In our mind, this child has a lost face, we pay attention to how to play model parents and maintain image, more concerned about children. This mentality may also affect children's views on themselves. Indeed, in the face of this problem, we are blinded by many factors, but ignore the happiness of his son's own.
Sandra and I have discussed the more and more discussing, and we're thinking about how our motivation and perspective strongly affects children. Because of a good face, let us have a condition for the child's love, causing his self-evaluation. So we decided to work hard from yourself, don't pay attention to skills, and focusing on adjusting the heart of the heart and the view to the child. We don't try to change him, go to the objective angle to find out his unique personality and characteristics.
After some effort, we finally discovered that this child also had different and endless potential, as long as it would be natural, it will be undoubtedly. So we decided not to intervene, let him develop, just sure, pay attention to, and share all his experience. On the other hand, we have also done a psychological construction - do not use the child's good performance to affirm you.
Once you get rid of the past mentality, I suddenly feel a new weather. Don't have to compare with your son with others, put the fixed social model on him, but can be able to get along with your child flatten. We believe that he has the ability to cope with the challenges of life, and it is not rushing to protect it so that he is not laughing.
However, the child has become accustomed to accepting protection, so it is fairly quite retracted. He asked us to help us, although we listened, but not necessarily, as he expected. This is invisible to convey a message: "Parents don't have to protect you, you don't have problems." In the past few months, he gradually had confidence, and he affirmed his value, finally played its potential with his own speed. Whether in academic, sports fields and social situations, his performance is quite outline in general social standards. All this is between a thought, once the thinking changes, it is clear. Later, he also called the representative of the Student Association, the state team players, and took home's transcripts. In addition, it is also cultivated to have sincere and self-cultivation, and you can get along with people.
Sandra believes that this child is "enough to be proud", which is more than an external impact out of automatic spontaneous factors. This is an unprecedented experience, which is very inspired by our children and playing other roles. Also give us a success of our character and relying on personal charm, how big is the gap between the two.
It's not enough to have a skill.
Teaching the experience of son, and studying people's cognitive ability, reading the work of successful factors, the three experiences, I suddenly recognized the unparalleled influence of personal charm. It also realized the values from a small study and deep in the depths of the heart, in fact, it is not far from the current philosophy that is much more than four, and this subtle difference is often ignored. Over the years, I have passed some habits of others, and I am very effective, but I don't have the same trend. Now I have finally have a deep understanding of the Central Plains.
I am not implied, the focus emphasized by the personal charm, such as pursuing personal growth, training communication skills, training positive thinking and exerting influence, not utility. They are sometimes the elements of success, but these are just a secondary but not the most fundamental advantage. Perhaps we will create a future along the trajectory of the former person, ignore the basis of the predecessors; and maybe we are accustomed to sitting, and have forgotten that they must cultivate themselves.
Even if I can use the means to make others voted, I will go to the fire, or have a good feeling for me, and I have a hatred. However, as long as the moral defects, especially the words, the words, the universal, because the words are unsecured Everything that everything will be regarded as don't have any care. Ren to reign, even if the starting point is good, if you can't get trust, even if you succeed, you can't afford it. Therefore, only basic morality can give life to interpersonal relationship skills.
