The third letter to Chinese students: success, confidence, happiness, Human Fu, May 2004
Previously, many exchanges in China and Chinese students were expanded around how to achieve excellent and excellent, how to become leaders. Recently, in Sina's chat room and many emails I received, I found that more Chinese students need to know how to be from excellent to excellence, but how to get active, from failure to success, from inferiority To confident, from the happiness, from fear to optimism.
An extreme example is Magujue incident that occurred in Yunnan University in February 2004. Ma Jiajue killed his four students. However, from Mahajue to be arrested and the psychologist's dialogue content, he should not be an evil person, but a lost direction, lack of confidence, and children closed. He is the same as many college students, and it is urgent to know how to succeed, confident and happiness.
My letter is written to those desire success but feel that success is indishable, eager to be confident but always self-complaints, eager to be happy but I don't know how to be happy. I hope this letter will bring a new definition of success, encourage readers to know and affirm themselves, be a happy person. I also hope that this letter can help readers understand success, self-confidence, happiness is a benign loop: from success, you can get confidence and happiness, from your confidence, you can get a success and confidence from happiness.
Success is the best yourself
US writers William Folkner said: "Don't do our best to compete with your colleagues. What you should care is that you are stronger than you now."
There is a common problem in Chinese society. It is to hope that everyone is developing, measuring whether each person "success" is also a diverse standard: in the school to see the results, enter the society to see fame and fortune. Especially in today's China, people 's pursuit of wealth is the first to rush, and all walks of life, the successful evaluation of a person, more personal wealth indicators. However, can you contribute to the society with the best results? Is there a happy family?
Real success should be diverse. Success may be that you have created new wealth or technology. It may be a happiness you have to bring others. It may be the trust of others in your job, or you may find the return of yourself, life with the world. the way. Everyone's success is unique. Therefore, the important conclusion that Ling Zhijun has drawn in its "growth" book is "Be the best yourself". That is to say, success is not to be compared with others, but to understand yourself, discover your goals and interests, and try hard to pursue progress, let your own better than yesterday.
Successful first step: grasp the goal of life, be a proactive person
In Sina chat room, when the netizen asked my life's goal, I replied: "Life is only once, I think the most important thing is to have the greatest influence (Impact), able to help yourself, help families Help the country to help the world, help the future, can make their days better, more efficient, able to bring happiness and happiness to them. "I didn't need to think when I replied this question, because I have two colleges The "influence" is treated as its own life goals.
For me, life goals are not a slogan, but my best thinking, it has helped me to solve the problem in work and life many times. I gave up my work in the United States, I only came to China to create a Microsoft China Research Institute, that is, because I think the latter work has a greater influence, and my life goals are more energetic. In addition, when I received a letter from a confused student, I would like to write back to my letter, I will think: "How to make the reply have a greater influence?" I have publicly open "letter to Chinese students" They are born.
Ma Que also realized his life goals, but he was a pity that he was in the case of being arrested. He said: "Sister, now I tell you a truth, my biggest question is what I think is the meaning of life? ... After this, I realized at this moment, I Wrong. In fact, the meaning of life lies in the true feelings in the world. "If Ma Jia can realize the goals in the world, he will ask yourself in front of you, the parents who are full of true feelings, how do you think about this thing? In this way, he may not take astray. So, whether it is for true feelings, for influence, or for happiness, family, morality, quiet, curie, innovation ... Major decision. Everyone's life goals are unique. Most importantly, you have to take the initiative to grasp your own life goals. But you can't help you, don't make your goals in order to pursue the so-called "noble" or to imitate others.
So how do you find your goals? Many classmates ask me what their target is? I can't answer, because only one person can tell you what the goal is, that person is yourself. Only one place you can find your goals, that is your heart.
I suggest you close your eyes and record the ideals of the first one in your mind, because the answer not thinking is the most sincere. Or, you can also look back in the past, in your happiest, have the most sense of accomplishment, is there any common point? They are likely to be the best to motivate your life. Moreover, you can imagine it. After fifteen years, when you reach the perfect life, will you in the environment? what's your job? What is the happiest thing? Of course, you may wish to talk to your friends and relatives and listen to their opinions.
Successful second step: try new areas, discover your interest
In order to be the best yourself, the most important thing is to play all your potential, chase the most interested and most passionate. When you are interested in a certain field, you will not forget it when you walk, class or bathes, you will be more easily succeeded in this area. Further, if you have passion for this field, you may have forgotten it, and think of a idea when you sleep, you will jump. At this time, you are not working for success, but for "enjoy". There is no doubt that you will succeed.
Relatively speaking, things that are not interested are only half a matter, there is something possible. Even if you rely on qualifications or talents, you can definitely don't release all the potential. Therefore, I don't agree that every student is chasing the most popular profession. I think everyone should understand their interest, passion and ability (it is "conscious" in lovers), and in the field of their own Give full play to our potential.
Bill Gates once said: "When you wake up every morning, it will be excited for the development and improvement of technological progress to human life." From this sentence, we can see his technology Interest and passion. In 1977, because of the enthusiasm of the software, Bill Gates gave up mathematics major. If he stays in Harvard to continue reading mathematics, be a professor of mathematics, can you imagine that his potential will be suppressed? In 2002, Bill Gates took the leader in 25 years later, but resolutely handed the CEO's work to Ballmer, because only this can be involved in his favorite work - serving as a chief software architect, Focus on the innovation of software technology. Although Bill Gates was an excellent CEO, after he changed his chief software architect, he made a significant contribution to the company's technical direction. More importantly, he is more passionate, happier. This also encouraged all the employees' morale. Good friends in Bill Gates, the best investors in the United States, Valentine Buffett also recognizes the importance of passion. When the student invited him to indicate the direction: "I have no difference with you. If you must find a difference, it may be that I have the opportunity to do my favorite work every day. If you want me to give you advice This is what I can give you the best advice. "
Bill Gates and Valentine Buffett give us another revelation that they love is not a vulgar, a diverse fame and fortune, their fame and fortune is their ideals and passion. A famous Economic Academy has done a survey. It has found that although most students want to chase fame and fortune during school, 90% are chasing ideals when they have enrolled, not chase fame and fortune. People.
I just entered the college, I want to engage in law or political work. After more than a year, I found that I was not interested in it, and the academic performance was only in the middle. But I fell in love with the computer, and I am crazy every day, soon, I will attach the teacher and classmates. Finally, the day of the big two, I made a major decision: gave up the previous year's columbian's legal system has been cultivated, transferred to the University of Columbia silent computer system. I told myself that there is only one life in life, and it should not be wasted in a field without happiness and no sense of accomplishment. At that time, there were friends to tell me that change majors will pay a lot of costs, but I have said to them that do not have a more passionate work will pay more. That day, my heart was ambiguous, and my spirit was excited. I promised myself that every homework was taken in three years. If it is not the decision that day, I will not have achievements in the computer field, and I am likely to be a lawyer who is neither a unsuccessful and unhappy in a small town in the United States.
Even so, I am far from the passion of the profession, I can't compare with my father. I have always thought that my father is a unmunted person, until I saw two two students of my father (they are all professors now), I know how much my father loves his work. His students told me: "Teacher Li saw us always eyebrows, he often discussed our favorite restaurants in our favorite restaurant. His time and money spent on us, far more than him Micro-income. "My father is at the age of 70, after I have found his favorite-teaching after the army, from politics, writing. After he passed away, the students found him in his drawers to encourage their own words: "Old Niu Ming knows the sun, no need to rush to do with the whip." The most gratifying is that he is found on the last road of life. Your favorite.
So how do you find interest and passion? First, you have to separate your interests and talents. Doing yourself with talented things is prone to results, but don't think that it is your interest because you have done it. In order to find true interests and passion, you can ask yourself: For something, are you very eager to repeat it, can you happily, successfully complete it? Are you always forwarded from? Do you always learn it quickly? Does it always make you satisfied? Are you sincerely love it from your heart (not just from your mind)? Is the happiest thing in your life? Is it related to it? When you ask yourself, be careful not to integrate your parents 'expectations and social values and friends' impact into your answer. If you can clearly answer the above questions, you are lucky, because most students are spending or remorse in the university four years. If you still have not found the answer to these questions, I only have a suggestion: give yourself the most opportunity to contact the most choice. I remember that I just entered the doctoral class of Carnegie Mellon, the school has a mechanism that allows students to pick up the teacher. In the first month, each teacher makes the whole body to draw students. Because of this mechanism, I was fortunate to meet my teacher Rui Di, I chose my Ph.D. "Speech Recognition". Although not all schools have such a mechanism, you can learn from different schools, professional, topics and teachers, then pick your interest. You can also find interest hobbies through libraries, networks, lectures, communities, friends, email, etc. Only you can try it, only try you to find your favorite.
My colleague Zhang Yinqin once said: "Those who dare to try must be a smart person. They will not lose, because they can learn from middle school even less, only those people who don't trick, are absolute The loser. "I hope that all my students do their best to make their own vision, but can not only be teachings, but also find their own interest.
Successful third step: for interest, order, step, step by step
Find your interest, the next step is to develop specific phased goals, step into your ideals.
First of all, what should you objectively assess from your interest and ideals? It is necessary to learn a class, read a book, do a more inclusive person, control your temper or become a better speaker? What is the difference between yourself and today? Still other aspects? You should try our best to make up these gaps. For example, when I decided that my life is to maximize my influence, I found that I have the most lack of speech and communication skills. I used to talk to people, and I will be a student who will be afraid of speaking. I am very poor when I am teaching assistants, and students have even give me a nickname of "Opening Theater". Therefore, in order to achieve my ideals, I set a specific goal of improving speech and communication skills.
Secondly, you should start the stage, specific goals, and give full play to the traditional virtues of the Chinese - diligence, up and perseverance, and strive to complete the goals. For example, I ask myself to do two speeches every month, and every time I have to listen to my classmates or friends, give me feedback. I promise yourself, I don't reheal it, I will never go to the stage. I ask yourself to listen to the speech every month, and ask the excellent speaker. There is a speaker taught me several ways to overcome the fear. He said that if you look at the audience's eyes, you can look at the top of the audience, and the audience will still think that you are watching their face, in addition, in the hands It is best not to take a paper to hold the boxing, then, the trembling hand will not attract the attention of the audience. When I repeatedly practice the speech skills, I have discovered many secrets, such as: I don't have to speaking, I will express better when I tell the story, so I still prepare for a speech but only in rehearsal; I found that my ability to answer the problem exceeded my speech, so I usually ask more time to answer questions; I found that I am not interested, I can't talk, so I will no longer agree with the topic I have no interest. . A few years later, people around me praised my speech. I even thought that I was a natural good speaker. In fact, I just practiced traditional virtues such as Chinese people, up and perseverance. Any goals must be actual, measurable, can't just stay in the slogan or empty talk. The purpose of the development of the goal is to advance, do not measure, you can't know if he has achieved progress. Therefore, you must simplify the abstraction, unaffected, unbalanced big goals into actual, measurable small objectives. For example, a few years ago, I have a goal to expand the interpersonal relationship between my company, but the goal of "more people" or "increased influence" is unable to measure and implement, I need to find a practical , Measurable targets. So, I ask myself "Every week and an influential person to eat, in the process of eating, this person will introduce an influential person to me." Measuring this target is "a meal with one person every week, and I know one after the meal." Of course, I will not satisfy these basic "indicators". The purpose of expanding the interpersonal network is to make the work more successful, so I will also measure how much information in "Month Meals", how many people hired by my department is in such an interpersonal network. One year later, I did see my relationship network has been significantly expanded from these metrics.
You must understand your ability when developing a specific goal. Target settings are unrealistic, but the goals are not fixed too low. Timely adjustments to the goals: If you exceed your expectations, you can increase the expectations; if you don't reach your expectations, you can lower your expectations. After achieving a goal, you can make more challenging goals; you must be tolder in order to fail, earnestly summarize the lesson.
Finally, once again reminding the students, the goals belong to you, only you know what you need. Develop the most suitable goals, take the initiative to improve their own progress during the improvement process, so that you can get success, you can become better yourself.
Confidence is conscious and arrogant
Confident people dare to try new areas and can develop their own interests and talents faster, easier to succeed. Confident people are also happier, because he will not worry and make a failure.
Many people think that self-confidence is success. A student is old, he has confident. An employee is always enhanced, and he also has confidence. But this is just a diverse success and a yuan.
In fact, self-confidence is not necessarily a good thing. There is no conscious self-confidence will become proud, but will lose the respect and trust of others. Good confidence is conscious, that is, it is clear what you can do, what you can't do. When consciously confident, his probability of success is very large; when consciously people are not confident, he still tries to try, but will tell others honestly. The conscious person does not need to rely on success to enhance confidence, and will not lose confidence due to failure. Confidential first step: Don't underestimate yourself, give yourself more
The key to the "self" letter is yourself. If you always think that you can't, you can't get confident. For example, Magua once said: "I think I can't afford me too much ... I'm doing it ... Many people practiced than me, let me feel feeling." Although Ma Jia is very smart, he never truly confident.
Confident secrets believe that you have your ability. Chinese ancient prides: "I am born to be useful", "a grass, a little dew", everyone has their own characteristics and strengths, worthwhile and play. I remember that I didn't understand in the United States 11 years old. I didn't understand in the classroom. One time I asked "1/7 conversion into a decimal equal to a few?" I don't understand English, but I recognize "1/7" on the blackboard. This is what I used to "back". I immediately raised my hand and answered this question correctly. Teachers who don't "back book" think that I am a "mathematical genius", and send me to participate in mathematics competitions, encourage me to join the mathematical summer camp to help students learn mathematics. Her encouragement and classmates gave me confident. I started telling myself, I have a math of math. At this time, I especially want to learn English, because only this can learn more mathematical knowledge. This kind of education not only improves my confidence, but also helps me have made great progress in all aspects.
Chinese-style education believes that people's growth is the process of continuous overcoming the shortcomings, so teachers are more criticized to make students make up for the worst discipline. Although each department should learn "enough good", the value of talent is to give full play to the most powerful advantages. US Gelph has recently a bestseller "now, discover your advantage." Gelp's researchers found that most people tried to "change their shortcomings in the growth process, hoping to make the shortcomings as the advantage", but they met more difficult and pain; and a few happiest, most The secret of success is "Strengthening your own advantages, and managing your own shortcomings." "Management of your own shortcomings" is to do well in short-term, "Strengthening your own advantages" is to spend most of their efforts to be interested in things, thus gaining unparalleled confidence.
There are still many examples of "Growth" in Ling Zhijun: Zhang Hongjiang, Dean of Microsoft Asian Academy of Engineering, said that he is "believes that I am the smarter. Even if I later later, I am not as good as others, but I still Say it to yourself: I can do better than others. "The Director of the Microsoft Asian Institute, Zhou Mun, was brushed 108 bottles in" Student Labor ", breaking the record, giving confidence. He said: "I have always been confident, but this is a confidence. This is the happiest experience in my life, emitting a fascinating force, continues to today. I found the genius All secrets, in fact, only 6 words: don't look small. "
Confident is a feeling, you don't have a way to "learn" confidence, and the only way to enhance the confidence is "training" your brain in instances. To get confident, you must be your best label team, you may wish to think about it before you go to bed, what happened today worth your pride? Have you got good results? Do you help others? Is there anything beyond your expectations? Does anyone praise you? I believe that everyone can find a success every day, you will slowly discover that these "small success" may become more and more meaningful.
There is a famous coach to meet the players to recall the most proud game before each play. He even let the players linked the most proud game and a movement (such as holding his fist), so that every time this action, you will consciously think of your proud, then do this action before each game. Improve confidence with the brain of "training". I hope that the students can become their best label team, while more giving more friends who are angry, more than the success of the past, don't underestimate themselves.
Confident second step: use perseverance, courage, from success, add consciousness from failure
When you feel confident, no matter how small, you will especially expect to get yourself or someone else, then you need enough perseverance. As long as you have perseverance, you will be like Zhou Ming, "What is the matter as long as I know, you can learn anything you want to learn, this is not what you can learn, but you can learn. I don't want to learn the problem. If you have a strong desire to things in your hands, you will have a tough spirit, especially when you are an ordinary person. "
Sometimes, you may have not done something, I don't know if I can make it. At this time, in addition to perseverance, you still need courage. I used to work in work, and there is no problem in communication, but I can't speak in front of the president, I always don't speak, I am afraid to say anything wrong. Until one day, the company should do more than a dozen people to meet more than ten people, and he asked everyone to speak. I thought that since I must talk, it would be better to tell my heart. So, I was brave and said: "Our company, the employee Id workers are high, but our efficiency is poor than anyone, because we reorganize all day, regardless of employee feelings and ideas ..." After I finished The whole meeting room is no sound. After the meeting, many colleagues sent me email. "You are really good, I really hope that I also have your courage to say this." As a result, the president not only accepted my suggestion, changed the company's policy, and I often quote my words. Since then, I am full of confidence, not afraid to speak in front of anyone. This example is fully confirmed. "You didn't tried, how do you know you can't be".
At the same time as courage to try new things, there must be courage to face failed. Everyone can not only do the destined thing to fail with the courage. But when you are afraid, you may wish to think about it, what are you losing? What is the worst place? Can you accept it? In the above example, if the president denies my view, will he not respect me? Not only don't, others will like it will think that I am courageous. Moreover, conscious people will learn from failure, recognize what they are not suitable, and then improve their consciousness. So don't fear failure, as long as you do your best, you are willing to challenge your own limit, you should pride for your courage.
A confident and conscious person, if you can do your new things, and perseverance make it good, he will get confidence from success, add consciousness from failure.
Confident third step: consciously set the specific goal, listen to others' evaluation
Cultivating self-confidence also sets specific goals and moves step by step. These goals must also be measurable. I talked to my daughter in front of the president, because her teacher thought she was very shy and said in school, I would like to encourage her to speak. She agreed to try it, but she believes that only when it is appropriate, I will be willing to speak when there is the best opinion. However, I think there is a subjective assessment of "the best opinion", and the goal is difficult to measure. So, I made a measurable, actual goal: she raised her hand every day, if I have a reward for one month. Then we slowly increase the number of times of raising hands. A year later, the teacher noticed that she had enough confidence in the classroom. Self-confidence is not self-default, not allow you to make mistakes, or over-self-centered, lose objective position. I have a unpleasant colleague. He looked for "I will never be wrong". He is very confident, once it proves that his sentence is right, he will remind everyone that he has already said it a few months ago. But because he was almost confident, once he proved that his sentence was wrong, he would pay attention to him, or at all. Although his correct rate is as high as 95%, 5% of the mistakes have lost his reputation and the respect of others. This example tells us that proud or unconscious confidence is even more dangerous than not confident.
There are two levels in the emotional business: you have the main objective situation for yourself and the environment. Self-conscious people will not excessively criticize themselves, and they will not be optimistic, they can objectively assess themselves. Therefore, they will frank their ability to face their ability and will not easily accept work outside their capacity. Of course, they are still willing to accept challenges, but they will be an objective risk assessment when they accept challenges. Such people are also honest to others, but also honest with others. Facing failures frankly will be trusted by others because they know that you have accepted the lesson. Facing your shortcomings will also be respectful, because they know that you will not do itself. Therefore, conscious people are easily successful, and it is easy to confuse.
The conscious person not only evaluates himself fairly, but also takes the initiative to ask the people around you to criticize and feedback. They understand that although they are very conscious, they are more important in the eyes of others. On the one hand, someone else is more objective, on the other hand, in the eyes of others is the truly existing own ("Perception is reality"), that is, if others think you are wrong, only you think that there is no Wrong, then in society, school or corporate eyes, you are wrong. So, you have to understand and accept the ideas of others, and as the ultimate goal of others. For example, my daughter can evaluate their speeches every day, but in the end, she only reached the final goal when the teacher and the students thought she was a cheerful, thoughtful student.
It is not easy to get frank feedback, especially negative feedback. So, you can best have some brave and honest friends, they are willing to tell you the truth in private. Of course, you can't have any dissatisfaction with negative feedback, otherwise you can't hear the truth in the future. In addition to private feedback, in the United States, there is also a "360 degree" commentary, which can be survey on employee's boss and subordinates. Because this survey is anonymous, it is often able to get real opinions. If many people say that you still have to improve in a certain area, this point is more convincing than your own or boss. Although there is no such formal investigation in the school, you can still try our best to understand the idea of others. My father often teaches us to seek people, but refers to the heart of the heart, don't take the sky, limit your horizons.
Ma Que said: "The classmates can't afford me." In fact, if he has the courage to trust the classmates trust, he may find that he is wrong, maybe I will find a friend, may confirm that my classmates really can't afford him and understand them. Cause, then self-improvement. Honest exchanges and sincere friends may help Ma Que to avoid tragedy. Self-conscious people will develop realistic goals and objectively measuring themselves, and will ask others to help assessment. Such people can continue to enhance their confidence and avoid self-confidence development.
Happiness is more important than success
Scientific research proves: people with good mood make up the potential; happy can improve the efficiency, creativity and correct decision-making; happy people have an open idea, willing to help others. But with it brings success, it is not as good as the purpose of success. I have suggested that the students chased their ideals and interests. In fact, they do their own ideals, interested things are a kind of happiness. So, happiness should be our ultimate goal than success.
Happy first step: accept your parents, the environment, yourself
Unhappy people always sulking some helpless things, do not like themselves, parents and teachers, don't want to read boring books, don't want to deal with the exam. For these helpless things, I hope that the students can learn to accept them calmly.
In all "Can't change things", the least change is the parent, and the most receiving is also parents. Many students say: "Parents don't understand me, don't accept me, don't experience my thoughts, I always ask me to use their values and philosophy to study, study, study. So I always avoid them, more and more loneliness "For these students, my answer includes the following two aspects:
First, you should accept your parents, don't be self-enclosed because you feel your parents don't understand you. Parents' growth environment, different ways of thinking, their definitions of success may also be different, and have a big difference between your expectations to your expectations. But their life is more than you, experience is better than you, you can't premise them for the mainstay. In addition, you must understand that parents are people who love you in the world, and they are the only person who can pay unconditionally, you should accept your parents unconditionally. Children often spread their parents, and neglect most parents, in their growing environment, more scarce, insufficient, they may not have a chance to learn how to be a competent parent, but they The conditions are also trying to. If we despise, exclude parents, no vastness is disrespectful to your life, how can you happiness?
Second, you can try to change the idea of your parents, but you should first ask, do you understand and accept your parents? Can you experience the idea of your parents? When you complain that your parents always expect you to perfect, are you not in your expectation of your parents? Ling Zhijun suggested that: "Parents don't have a mistake to your expectations, just you should let your parents understand, you expect them to them." So, before you ask them to understand you, you should understand them first, this can be more successful and They communicate. After mutual understanding, maybe you still have different opinions but can understand each other, maybe you or they will change the original views. To this end, you should first build a frank communication with your parents. Maybe you will feel awkward, but I believe that you will soon realize family and warm.
In addition to accepting parents, you should also accept things that cannot be changed in the environment. Some students expect them to take the topic they think that they don't use. They don't have to go to the class that they don't use, don't have to listen to the teachers who don't trust. But in society, we must learn to accept things that cannot be changed. Ling Zhijun said: "If I meet the conflict between 'and' I like to do things ', I will arrange a timetable for yourself, and complete the things you should do every day.' - Timetable can motivate you to concentrate and improve efficiency. Then go to do something that you like to do '. "Life is limited, everyone should use limited time in" Like to do things ", but must first put" should first What to do is made good enough. The most unnecessary "worry" is not satisfied with you. This is not only wasting time, but also causes time to practice. Therefore, the students must cultivate their own confidence, incentive to motivate themselves, and on the other hand, you must understand yourself, and understand yourself. Living for yourself is to work hard for your own happiness, interest and life goals, don't live in the values of others. Microsoft Asian Institute of Asian Institute, Shen Jingyang, I was still living in other people's values. In order to "first" desperate, but one day, "I suddenly realized that the original idea was wrong. Beat others, get the first, not the most Important. The most important thing is that you can learn to respect yourself, can you find your own value? "
When you start living with yourself, accept and like yourself, accepting and approaching your parents, you will find that you can't change in your environment, you will find that you start happiness.
Happy second step: vent your emotions, control your temper
Psychologists believe that Ma Jiajue "is always lonely, because he is always unwilling to communicate with people, do not want to say that he is a very fierce person, but his appearance is also a Quite suppressing people. "Magujue also wrote on the letter of loved ones:" I can't talk about the words of this person. "If Magua is directly venting his own feelings, he may prevent tragedy. Afterwards, Ma Kajue also thought: "When you escape, you can choose your own stupid, you can choose to quarrel, there is no need to kill."
Chinese people always think that they are in a rich. But I think that in today's era, straightforward communication is more important. When you turn your corner, you don't feel the heart. If you look at it, you don't say that it is bad habits. There is a Chinese boss and his own quarrel. He asked me if I should ask the third party mediation, I give him a suggestion: because this is an emotional thing, you should go directly to the subordinates; third party in order to do In case, you may say that you will violate you or your subordinate will (for example, I have already admitted, but in fact you are not), this will cause more trouble.
Of course, on emotional issues, directly communicate also requires techniques. For example, if the boss said to the subordinates: "You are wrong, but I don't care with you." Then the subordinates will definitely feel. If the boss says: "You are so many people, it is obviously what you want to grab my job." The result is even more imagined. Obviously, when you communicate directly, don't be arguing the wrong, don't guess others' motivation, don't take the opportunity to make up. The most effective communication is to talk about your feelings. For example, the boss can say: "When you are in front of me, I feel lost dignity, very difficult." Such a sentence is not refuted, or even possibilities It will cause understanding and sympathy.
When you are burning in anger, it is not easy to transform the angry words into sensibility. To do this, we need to rely on "consciousness" and "self-control". Consciousness is not just to know your ability, but also know your feelings. Conscious people know when they will be angry and sorrow, and it will understand what consequences will cause joyful and sorrows. If he feels angry, he will not instantly explode, because he knows the consequences of the explosion, but he will not suppress his feelings, because it will cause great harm to the soul, he usually use the most constructive Way handling. Positive, inductive communication can reduce the hot atmosphere. Feelings and communication are most infectious, you can use constructive, tolerant attitude to communicate with others and affect others. Self-control is an inner self-dialog, you can remind yourself not to fall into the trap of harsh attitude. In addition to the traceable rational analysis, deep breathing is the fastest, and the simplest emotional method, the Chinese said: "Heart is temperament", "heart is not awkward", "heart coke,", " They are all the relationship between mood disorders and emotions and mental states, and the most convenient way "of" calm "," heart and peaceful "is to take deep breath, which is to turn the gas smoothly, and more can get rid of emotions. Back to rational thinking. The United States will admit group education in the United States, and teach them to recognize the devastating of violence, learn to control their own impulses, which is to understand "stop" or "leaving the scene" to protect themselves and each other. Safety, avoid casting a big mistake.
If you think self-control is not easy, then you can ask your friends to keep your friends. A boss in the past is often unable to pick up, and he is angry with a precursor: he will take you with a diamond problem, then he began to shock, and finally he got a temper. But he wanted to change this problem, so he asked me to use a "secret" when seeing prognosis every time, "such as" Let's go forward ") to remind him. After a few times, "Miki" reminded, he has the ability to consciously and self - control, and no longer need someone to remind it.
Happy third step: someone shares a happy double, some people share pain and halve
Scientific research tells us that the best way to regulate your mood is to find a close-time person and communication. The scientific basis is that the feelings come from the LYMBIC system of the human brain, and the system mainly rely on contact with others. Scientific proven, two people talking together will slowly reach the same psychological status (jumiting and sorrowful music) and physiological state (body temperature, heartbeat, etc.). Therefore, if we want to meet the balance of feelings, we must understand others. Communication with people is the only way to enhance your emotional business and happiness. People who are isolated from the world will only get more and more depressed. There is an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an an ancient saying: "Some people share the more than double, some people share the pain and happens." Ma Jiajue's so-called true feelings should mean to share the mood, the inner people! "
So, if you are emotional, or when you are wronged, you should talk to your parents, friends, don't be like Ma Ju, just porn in your heart, just talk to the diary. Ma Que is very depressed, but there is no channel of depression. He said: "I don't have a friend in school. I am so falling in school ... In various loneliness, people are most afraid of lonely." Mashajue encountered many obstacles in interpersonal communication, these obstacles bring him a bitter And these depressed and no channel venting, thereby causing greater depression. This malignant cycle eventually led to the occurrence of tragedy. In fact, Magua's inner monologues, prove that he is a conscious person, he can see his own dilemma, but he will lock himself in self-enclosed homes, let hate him to destroy him. Remember last year, SARS style, the most horrible threat was isolated, but we often ignored the isolation of your heart on weekdays, so that we and happy. To get happiness, you need humorous, optimistic ideas and communication. In all communication, the infectivity of "laugh" is the greatest. The study of Yale University found that "laugh" appeal exceeds all other feelings, people will always reflect on your smile, and the open laugh is more quickly created a relaxed atmosphere, in addition, humor Laughing can also promote mutual trust and inspiration. Optimistic, the power of positive thinking is endless. In recent years, depression has become a worldwide psychological disease, and it has a great relationship with negative thinking. Some people are used to drilling the horns, thinking to pessimistic and helpless direction, sleepy in the dead alley. If you can change a angle, half a cup of water is half a full rather than half the sky! It is not satisfactory now, represents the space that has infinitely growing progress. Learn to check yourself, often protect your mind.
Whether it is expelled sad or getting happiness, we need to get positive incentives from tone and communication. The most natural communication object may be your loved ones, especially your parents. I believe that all parents are willing to listen to the child's talk.
However, "At home, you can rely on your parents, you will be friends", so we also need to communicate with a close friend. Don't just look at your friends and personalities when you make friends, more importantly, you need some people who will encourage people, optimistic, humor, sincere, socially, helpful, willing to listen to friends . Maybe you will say: "I have no such a friend, I don't dare to find a friend. If someone refuses?" If someone rejects you, you have not lost anything, but if others accept you, you may find yourself .
I hope that you will also let yourself be such a process in the process of finding your friends, can encourage people, optimistic, humorous, sincere, sympathy, willing to help people, and Try to help your relatives and friends around you. Only more people are willing to pay, and happiness can spread more quickly.
Blessings to Chinese students
I have always believed in the three principles of doing things: there is courage to change things that can be changed, and there is a measure of uncomfortable things, and wisdom will distinguish between the two.
Blessing China's students, when you encounter setbacks, you can use these three principles to help you spend the difficulties in measuring, courage, and wisdom.
Blessing China's students, when you pursue success, self-confidence, happiness, don't forget that success is diversified, don't forget to be self-confidence, you can consciously, don't forget that happiness can understand, accept and like yourself.
Blessing China's students, when you gradually get successful, confident, happiness, you will find a benign loop: from success, you can get happiness and success from your confidence, get successful and confident from happiness.
Blessing China's students, when you have success, confidence, happiness, don't forget to help others get success, confidence and happiness.
