I like boys, I always think that boy is more flexible, better raise. Later, I really had my son. I gave my son a name ---- odor. There is a child's day is happiness, and each child brought happiness to parents is invaluable, all eternal and real. I am still thinking about the time with stinking, I can still feel the gentleness of the heart. It is a gentleness that allows melting of steel. I still remember that when I was born, my stink was so petite and ugly. Red skin wrinkled, like a little old man. I don't even dare to touch him, I don't dare to hold him. He kept crying. Hungry is also crying, thirst is crying, and the lax is crying, and the urine is crying. I wake up for a long time, all of his expression is only these. So start learning how to be a qualified mother. Because this little life can only be survived by me, he will only feel safe in my arms, and will stop crying quietly. I am happy to look at my child, and I really thank God to give me this beautiful elf. As the child grows up every day, I found out that I can gentle and quiet like this, so you can be loving and kind, you can be brave and sincere. Yes, I keep discovering new myself. Slowly, he began to learn to walk. Start him to learn in the middle of the school. He learned very quickly. Often seeing his figure hits at home. He is very curious, he sees yourself in the mirror, you will smile, then take it, see the white gas that you have an emergence of humidifier will also reach. When I gave him a meal, he would park the car at the door of the kitchen, and he was curious. He relies very much, no matter where I am, he follows. Even I am taking a bath and go to the bathroom, he will be hitting the door again. When I confirm that I am in the case, I am quietly waiting for me. I still remember now, that is the spring of 1996, and the breeze of May in May was gently blew on my green windbreaker. The bright sunshine will warmly shine, everything is warm, I breathe a fragrant air, take a light pace to pick my child. It's very sudden, it's a general, the happiness in my heart, I have to suffocate, it is a warm dark stream, gently flowing through my body, directly to my fingertips. At that moment, I asked me myself: What else is not satisfied? I have a husband and lovely son who loves my. How happy I am. That is a truly, solid happiness. I was 25 years old that year, my son is just one year old. I am happy, I don't know that the disaster is hidden behind my happiness. It is always in the moment you don't care. On the night of him, he suddenly cried, I have been crying with him, but he still kept crying until he cried, he slept. The next day, when he opened his eyes, his left eye was red. I hug him to the hospital for examination, the doctor just told me that it is okay to add anti-inflammatory water. So, I gave the child to the child, but the red still did not eliminate. It's a week, I took my child to check. This doctor seems to be very nervous, check it carefully, finally tell me, the child's left eye is blind. Moreover, there are other problems. I am shocked! After a while, the doctor called my lover. When I lured people, my face told me: "I am stinking may be eye cancer!" I stayed at it: "Eye cancer? It is impossible! It must be wrong!" My child is healthy and lively, even if his eyes have problems, it is impossible to have any cancer! I do not believe! I am going to Beijing to review! The next day, I took the child Beijing with the lover. The result is finally there. The stink is really a retinal somatic sump. Really eye cancer! I suddenly fell to the ground, I have been discovered that I have been crying.
I feel that blood was dried, and my heart was smashed. The doctor told: This disease child will be ignorant when they are walking, and with the long and swimming of the tumor, the face is deforming, which will be terrible. I can't believe that all this is true. He is only three months! His life has just begun, is it going to end? Is all true? The doctor told me that odor is now chemotherapy, may have 50% of hope, but he must conduct eye-catching surgery, including eyelids. The result of chemotherapy is that this half face is always his face, and the half face is growing normally. Moreover, even if the success of the successful chemotherapy can only live to the age of seven or eight years. I really want to give him chemotherapy. At that time, I cracked the doctor's hand and shouted: "I will do surgery! Do surgery!" But I also know that this is too older. It is painful, and more cruel is if he lives to seven years old. If he is sensible, his pain is not imaginable, because he can't escape! That night I made the most difficult decisions in our lives. I clearly remember that this decision is my strong lover's no blood, the eyes and sad eyes. I am shouting my lover: "No! Doctor says if the child will lose the problem, the child will lose the same thing, the last eyes will lead to the same thing, the head must be deformed. What should I do! When you stink? Call me with your hands: 'Mom, Mom, Where are you? "What should I do? I will crazy! Do surgery! No matter what the result, we will not regret, even if you are tipping, Also give it to him! After all, there is a hope! I can't watch my child to die! "Faced with my hysterical, I loving people, my beloved people just hugged madness, Obpelling me: "Spring, you are awake! Do you let the stinky? You can ask you 'Mom, why can't I live?' Time? Do you let him use a eye to face this Cool fact? Do you let him have the devastation of the body still face those curious eyes? "Then he wiped a tears. Children, forgive parents! We are cruel, but it is also helpless! We must decide this way. We would rather let you live happy, go for a year, when you don't understand anything, don't you have to defeat. Although I know this decision will let me carry a life. The next night, I used my stink of my alone and avoided my loved ones. I have been walking in a quiet city in the midnight. I don't know where to take him, I don't care. I only know that I want to carry him, I want to be with him. On the road, I held my smell and asked him: "Smertish, mother love you, do you know?" He said "Know!" I went to tears to tell him: "Smertish, mother love you, no matter what mother How to do, you have to know that my mother is love you. "Deods to answer me:" Know. "I asked him:" Hey, you still do my son? "My smelly, what I will answer I didn't say anything. My tears dropped to his face. So I changed the topic asked him: "Hey, do you love me?" He replied clearly: "Love!" Day every day, I also hold a trace of fantasy and hope, maybe misdiagnosis, perhaps calcification Maybe all this is a dream.
Every morning, the first thing is to see the child's eyes. I looked at him with my eyes. If he smiled to me. If he crishes my mother, I will be very happy and very happy. Over. But when he always wrinkled a small brow, closed his eyes to tell me in my arms: "Mom, I am uncomfortable." Then flip his little body. Whenever my heart is tightened, I can do it just holding him, holding him tightly, hoping all his pains into my body. I keep telling him: "Smertish, mother is here, not afraid, my mother is, my mother holds you." Then let him sleep in my tears and singing. " I teach his many stories and poetry, but I never called him "pain" "pain" and related words. So, he will only tell me when he is leaving: "Mom, I am uncomfortable." I only know this uncomfortable meaning. That is unbearable contains how much can't bear it! My smell is only 1 year old! My child lived for 958 days, and two years and 15 days. When my smell is alive, he is surprisingly smart and smart. He and the children of the same age are cute, not, even more wonderful. He likes a car, I bought him a small car of nearly 100 large and small, and he kept in his car every day. Yes, I love him, I have all my wishes. Looking at him seriously in painful time, it is a kind of enjoyment and happiness for me, I know that I don't think much about his days. In the days of him, I used a lot of remedies to treat him. I know that I am ignorant, but everything is useless. Stupun is still operational. Because the things in his eyes have grown up, it is really highlighted, he can't get angry. Every time I helped him with his eyes, I saw that he should be replaced by a gray thing where he should be a gray, I am shaking. I really collapsed, I know, I will crazy in this way. Or, I was already crazy in the eyes of others. The stink is pushed into the operating room, and his little body is lying on a big bed, so thin and poor. I looked at the door of the operating room, my life seems to be dried. I prayed to the sky: "Let my smell should not live, let him die on the operating table." I am really crazy, there is such a prayer word in the world? " But I thought that. I know that the stinky eyes will be dug. The place where his eyes will be a black hole. I am afraid, I don't know how I should face his pain. My lover pulled my hand, we sat on the steps of the operating outdoor, stay away from the crowd, holding each other's hand, that is the only thing we can catch. The surgical vehicle returned, but I lie on another bed. I am very weak, I am weak in my heart. I support it, I have to get up, I am a mother. I saw his quiet body, a small body, lying in the bed. I picked him, he is so light, I hold him, I am afraid that he fly away. His left eye is a big gauze. His anesthetic is still playing. He is very quiet. At that moment, I suddenly had an illusion: Is it true when he died? I bite my lips - don't think. It's smelling, he crazyly pulled the gauze on his face. He hurts.
The anesthetic has passed, he struggled to call: "Mom, uncomfortable! Mom! I am uncomfortable!" The lover grabbed his hand, shouting me: "Spring, hurry, help me catch him Don't let the smells put the gauze! "I barely stood up. At this time, the stink is struggling to extend my hand and shouted in the most memorable sentence in my life:" Spring! Mom. ! ---- "The sound is so desolate and helpless, and it is so shock! I finally collapsed. I have been so old for the first time.
When I woke up, the stink was stunned, and I have been sleeping. In the days of the hospital, there is no memory, I now only remember the white glamorous gauze on the left eye. I have tried to go back my left eye and want to see the world that can be seen. I feel very sad when I saw it. Really. He often uses him only the right eye trust, it is a clear eye. The trust in the eyes of the eyes makes me sad. I am fragile. I have never dared to see the left eye of my child. Every time I take the child to change the medicine, I always don't dare to go. I hide in the ophthalmology corridor. But I still can hear odor and shout: "Mom ---- Mom ---" sound. I hid in the elevator, with the elevator on the upper and lower, I took my own ears, but the smell of odor can still hear it. The helpless voice of the mother floating in every corner of the hospital. After he finished the operation, the doctor told me that you can live for half a year. I really thought he could live for half a year, but only two months, my stink was gone. Smelly wants to leave, I don't know. I really don't know that he is going to leave my sign. He doesn't eat, lying quietly in my arms, fluttering like a feathers, his little brow is tightly wrinkled. He kept twisting in my arms and kept shouting: "Mom, uncomfortable. Mom, uncomfortable." Who can save my child! I sent smelly to the hospital. In the ward, I loving people to take the thing, I hold my child, holding the child who is about to leave, I cried, there is no taking care of the sound. I asked odor: "Why, why do you want to leave me! I am your mother, but I can't save you!" Yes, sadness is not a child's disease, it is my mother's saving children, I I can only look at him to leave me. In the empty ward, my helpless cry is echoing. Horizon! If the tears can call my stink, I would rather let my tears into the sea! If I can save my child with my life, I am willing to die! My child, my smell! Only he can hear my call. But he has been coma. The stink is away. Walk forever. I'm gone. I will always remember this day: October 9, 1997. My soul is taken away forever. But I still thank God. When he walked, he did not change much like a doctor predict. Although his face is slightly deformed, his right eye is not blind, he still can see me when he leaves, he can still seize my hand with his little hand, he still knows him. Mom is around him --- forever! I chose to give him cremation. The old man told me that children who died were best buried on the side of the road. I resolutely disagree. When the stinky is in the world, I have suffered, I can't endure his little body in the cold dirt, sleep, can't imagine his body's influenza. I am afraid that he is cold, afraid that he is lonely, afraid he wakes up and cry and look for my mother. I want him to become a light smoke and go with the wind. I want him to clean and clean it. But when I was cremation, I didn't dare to go. I can't face my death, I am afraid that I can't control myself. My lover and my colleague are odor. When I came back, I looked at my lover silently crying. My lover, my strong husband, he didn't cried when the child had sick, but at this moment, he hit it on the bed, and he also grabbed his chest, torn clothes, and cry. He just kept told me: "Spring, I hurt! My distressed!" I hugged his head, he was weak like a baby. He murmured: "I put the smelly bottle in his side, and his little toys accompany him.
