I don't know what happened, I am always very sad in these days, I wake up on time in the morning, then I am flustered, the hands and feet are numb, typical mad depression symptoms. Now, those days I have just broken up, then I can wake up before the bedroom corridor is not closed, and then I will go to 7 o'clock to go to the canteen to eat, then come back to nothing. It may be to start a new round of struggle.
SS is very enthusiastic, give people a very good girl. But SS has changed, it has become a difficult to invade, I used to know SS very much, but now, I don't know what SS is thinking. The previous SS is very willing to share what you think to a good friend, but now, SS is more willing to retain something, saying that it is difficult to listen to it. I really like the SS at that time, but the current SS makes it difficult to get close. SS has never told me that she is her boyfriend, and I am very understandable. I am very understandable because her parents are very opposed to the daughter so early. But the big three is four, and her parents are sometimes speaking, she has never said, this is not the attitude that is willing to develop, I think so. I will remember that I said to SS, I am worried about our future, afraid of the distance from the space, SS will not say. I let her tell her about our relationship after graduation, she doesn't want, she said that she must work for two years, I have said that I have a good job and tell her that my parents are not contradictory, she is God is reluctant. We broke up, I told her that her parents asked, I said that I used to boyfriend, the first boyfriend, she finally agreed, but who knew how she would do it. The change after her winter holiday is indeed a big amazing, there are some inconvenient to write, in short, it is completely different, I don't know if she started to be shaken at that time, now she is so simply, telling up I finally be relaxed, free, and I, it is difficult to cut, I can't extricate, this is totally different, it is completely different in the heart. She is very private on this issue, at least I should say it early, and I am not responsible at all, how about my love? I feel like I was used, I was played, when she needs, I did her boyfriend, she didn't need it, but also resolutely left. I also said this with SS. She said that after all, I have loved it, there is no feeling now. Perhaps SS is pursuing, I feel, who is the subjective, who must, I am not the same, I will not fall in love at first, I will not go to play with my feelings, I will really pay I am willing to keep it.
I used to get in contact with SS before I feel that she is a very lively girl, whether it is about a chat, or a call. Further understanding is from the beginning of the year of 2003, she sent me an email, expressed her feelings, I started to think that she is a giving birth to a girl, and more feelings have brought me trust in me. The responsibility. From that day, I can often receive her email. I am used to watching the mailbox online when I am half-night, and I will reply to her. After returning to the school, we are still uninterrupted emails, until one day she called me, we started calling again until she became my girlfriend. Then, I feel more than I feel more than I feel more than I feel, and I often have an inexplicable mood. Later, it may be two years later. He has begun to start with my feelings. Many things are not willing to say, but more sadly, it will not be as long as the previous thing because of the past, I haven't worry about my concern, I will recall the cold, and the change of people can be so big, and the feelings can have such a large twist. Maybe just I am constantly implied that I have, or I can't get this strange circle after some words, such as a very persistent feeling. Actually, I can't walk out. When I am a little aware, I use some things to convince myself into it, this is a malignant cycle. Still want to see how you look at this thing. Many times I know where I have a problem, I can analyze the reason, I know what to do, such as trying to distract some attention. But I can't help but I don't know if this is my weak performance. I live in cherish the feelings and memories of the previous SS, but I don't dare to let go. It may be like a detoxification. Try to recall the SS once, I can't always live in memory, and try.
Today, SS works on the first day, it seems to have a little unexpected, she said that the text message is unclear, and there is a chance. Today, I didn't receive the blessing of SS. I told her again at night. She didn't say anything, she was amazing, she could be unrequited. But still I hope she can work smoothly.
In the evening, I haven't going to go a long time, crying, maybe it is a long time, and I wrote this blog. Nothing is good, I am sighing that I can actually accept this unfair.
