Http://y.sina.com.cn February 19, 2005 14:24 Wenyuan Sometimes, we forgot who we are, forgot, where is we, we seem to go, but go into it. Plain, real life. The train walks on the grassland of the by. Night color. I am in the wednish coat, and my face is on the window, I want to breathe through the fresh air outside. The carriage is like a sealed big jar. The toilet taste, the sweat flavor, warm water, the convenient taste of warm water, and the cheap roast chicken, mixed together, suffocating. I have not slept. Biao Ning into his dreams. I first dared to look at him for a long time, and a blank in the brain. The whole winter seems to have come in a slight gap of that window. I gently put the coat on the border. Let himself shiver. The hometown is as gradually near, as I hope. The train finally stopped in the town I was familiar with. During the long-distance truck in one day, I didn't have the kind of joy I expected at the end. Only I bought my ticket. Sitting in the car, I first felt that the winter in my hometown was so cold, I couldn't cry. Bian Ning smiled and waved and pulled the suitcase. Say it, I call him a holiday. Finally, I took me on the small platform of the village, she was thin. My feet stepped on cotton, dizzy, leaning on the mother's shoulder as a big grievance. The mother said that the college students in the city still suffer, people are thin. I don't deny it, but I don't want to say a word. My mother is hot, and all my feelings are still on the train, shaking in the cold. Suddenly, I said a phone call! Mother is shocked. The big sound of the wind blowing eucalyptus made me feel colder in the winter. I turned into the corner of the house, and I watched the novel in a dolending. I don't know how long winter. The love story in the novel is too romantic. Mother is a day, the bowl of the bowl of the bowl of Zijin, let me feel how monoculated real life. How to spend winter in winter. Love is a deep trouble. The father is busy in these few days, and the price of mung beans is at everywhere. Mother said: "If the green beans have last year's price, the tuition of your sisters will have no problem." I think the mother's eyes are the eyes of farmers. Today's days are also the days of yesterday. I said: "Dad, sold it, China has entered the WTO, the price of food will not be as high as in previous years." Father said: "If this is a value, the policy has to give the farmers a living road." Uncle came back from the town, saying that the green beans were priced at each city. My father said long, I said: "The old man will bless the peasants." I think the two hair is almost the same, my father's green bean sells money for my reading is not easy. Mung beans are getting more and more money, and my tuition is getting more and more expensive. I am looking at my novel, I don't even have to get out of the door, I don't even have the point. Mother said: "Summer, you are gone, complaining that you have not to see the college, giving you the tuition fees you prepare, you have a winter vacation ..." I understand the mother's meaning, I also understand the mother's bitterness, can I don't want to be a beggar, I have my so-called college students' self-esteem, who doesn't know who's days, love doesn't give it, why is you hypocritical. Cool one is calculated. I don't say a word, it is my resistance. Mother "yield".
My face gradually improved, my mother feels particularly pleased, it seems that my thinness is her fault and unmanned. My heart is enjoys, and my weight has increased rapidly. I remembered that I was suffering for weight loss, I refused to be like this. Mother looks very panic, but how can I understand that my mother is more important than a girl who is ready to go to urban life.
Mother is difficult, I really don't want to ask her in any way. Perhaps your father is right, your daughter always leaves his home. In fact, I have been thinking about my own happiness. I am afraid that I owe too much, my bones are full of gratitude, I think there is a repayment in the future, I am afraid. I don't know if I am a secular or mature. I walked out of the countryside, but I have not entered the city outside the countryside.
The weather is getting warmer, my vision has declined, I lost my novel, my father said: "Go see your big lady!"
The big mother is far less than half a year ago, the house is also particularly cold, and there is no atmosphere to the New Year. Three brothers have never come back. The big girl fell to the cup of tea, saying that the ink finally didn't drink, and didn't forget the poor girl. Not as son married the wife forgot the mother.
I am, I don't know what I will take this trust, I haven't realized that I can bring such movement to the elderly before a few minutes ago. In the face of such a simple requirement, I think I am too hypocritical. I always think that I have a vigorous repayment, but never think of whether it is left to give me opportunities.
I think is my difference between my brother? In front of a grateful old man, I was completely stupid.
I first felt that I have a distant distance from real life.
I don't read the novel.
I went to the neighbors to call the phone, and I went to the front. I have long called on a breath, but fortunately he is not there.
Going home, I started to bed, "Why did he wait for me? He knows that I will call him." I deliberately torture myself and persistence in my own, and I understand in this torture. All this will never understand, and will never know.
I went to the town with my mother to buy something, I can't think of my stay. The mother said that I was reading stupid, worried about how I had later. I don't understand, I am so kind, and the thief is not let go. Back home, boring, open TV, no show, I think that TV difference turning Taiwan is broken. I said: "Is the village head of the villagers die?" The mother said: "They will live when they will rent in the spring next year."
I don't understand, how can life like this.
I sighed a sigh of relief, perhaps the life in my dreams.
My brother admires me, saying that the girl is like me like me. Every time I go home, I will always come to my brother to eat. My brother has no culture, and the peasants like parents. The blind man said that I graduated in the future, don't forget to let my little prostitute gave me a nanny. I know that my brother is looking forward to the third child is a son. Brother said that there is no son's day, I haven't said, what can I say? In the simple hurting my brother, I can't talk about it. Brother said that he can support a family of people, more children, more labor, can I tell him that is the child is not responsible? Can I explain the gap between children and rural children now in the city? I can let him understand how the rural children slive when they play the piano painting when they play the piano painting, how is a difference in life? The brother said that this is two different lives, and the yellow land gives him a fate like his children.
So who is my destiny? The rice in the bowl is bitter, and brother does not know.
I am the first in the village is also the only college students who go out. For this reason, I should thank my father, thank him for giving me an opportunity to choose my own road. I can even think of the father's first time to send me to school, and I have an eye in the eye. Today, fifteen years later, in addition to the exhausted exhaustion of the other people in college life, I didn't have the pride of my hometown. I think: If I have not taken a university, I will have to live this kind of parents, but I have a hard life; if I have not admitted to the university, I will agree with my brother's sister, I agree with the ordinary marriage booked by my parents. I will not deny the sincerity between people and people today, I will suspect the existence of love, I will calmly accept everything of the fate. And I will finally get rid of such a life, it is difficult to say what is now giving me, the road is like this, go.
I don't know what I have lost in this process and what I got.
This night, I was insomnia.
And this is not related to love. The wind has not stopped, spared from the evening, from the morning, it has been scraped at dusk, but dark. The curtains of the ink bamboo have been hanging, I didn't kick the wish. I think so the windshield is on the window, and the whole hustle and bustle is closed.
I curled up in a corner of the hut, wrote my diary, dress happiness and warm.
Very late, my mother came back. Say the other person's child is honest, can do it, it is usually people, and the cousin is very common. The cousin is 19 years old! I don't understand that love is, I will be married and others have been married, and I will lose freedom. I should stop, who will care about my opinion, even the cousin will not think that I love her. There is no marriage of love, there is no marriage of roses, I just want to think about it. In my eyes, how sad and unfortunate this! But my mother is happy, I have to accept her happiness. Mother said: "Who is like you, twenty people ..." The mother looked at my face and suddenly didn't say it. The mother said to me in the first time. Since I have already come out of this life, my marriage is completely my own business. I don't want to ask my family to ask, I will see love is quite sacred.
Maybe I am too demanding my mother, but my mother only loves me without knowing love, I don't want to let people who don't understand love.
When I had breakfast, my mother kept looking at me and looked at my expression.
I can't be so harsh.
I said that I can also engage in rural areas, I can't drag your parents for a lifetime ...
The mother looked at me almost the eyes of pleading.
I can't think of my lifeless than silence. But I am still too hypocritical, especially in front of my parents, I am actually such a sin, I am not forceding my parents? It's better to simply say that I will look down on the rural marriage. I am a college student. I am no longer a rural child, I will bury them!
On the way of love, I am me, they are them.
I quietly said to my mother: "There is less than the wedding of others. Our family has no way to come back."
I completely ruined my mother and happy to worry about my business. I explained in my heart that this is what I love my mother.
The mung beans suddenly price. It is said that the vendors have to go home for the New Year. I said: "Dad, this is the business war strategy, you can don't sell."
The mother complained to her father.
My father hurried out, saying that we can't let our brothers play with green beans.
At this time, I can't complain about life, but what can I do if I complain?
I think that the pride in my bones is not generally a packaging of reality.
It is only life that lives to me, I have been praying for decoration.
The new year's breath is gradually strong in the busy dining table for the mother. After breakfast, the mother asked what I would like to eat at noon, my mother said that I would be better outside, how can I not understand? When I hasty in urban hard work, I bought the breakfast with my parents, I just got a kind of instinctive need, and I really thought about your warmth. But how can I accept the security? When parents are most worker, they even have a egg, they will be reluctant. From the day I got, I left everything to me, waiting for me to come back. Can I not accept it? I don't even allow you to have a uncomfortable attitude. I am their daughter, love me is a responsibility in them. Poverty life has increased the thickness of affection, but I am deeply suffocated in this thickness that I can't carry. In the days of poverty, love is not only touched, but it is helpless. I am very happy, but I can't smoke.
Mother cutting dry apples. Apple is still so, let alone mother? If I ask my mother why not earlier, is it a harm to my mother?
I looked at these "scar" apples, just like seeing my mother's heart.
Happiness and expectations on the face of children, and I can only rely on memories to touch this.
My heart is full, I can't make more happy happiness.
I am getting farther in the story I am familiar with.
Northeastern loves the Spring Festival couplets, and when the New Year is almost red and green, the father said that there is the atmosphere of the New Year.
I like to post Spring Festival couplet. The whole family handed hands together, on the window, the door, the well, even the chicken house, the pigeon shelf is posted on the Spring Festival couplets, I even put on the "blessing" on the forehead of the horse, as long as I can catch The thing of living, this day I am willing to do this, I think this is the feeling of happiness, happiness is that kind of feeling that can make each life can feel happy.
I reach out, I hope that the bird will stay because of my blessing, but in fact, I am not all for yourself? I am self-made, self-made, and self-confidentiality is only a director of my own happiness. I am afraid that I am not happy? Still worried that you can't continue the original happiness?
The old Spring Festival is attached to the new Spring Festival couplet.
I can't help but ask: "How is the New Year?"
The air is filled with firecrackers, and the entire hill village is noisy. Mother cooked in the kitchen dumplings, I watched the Spring Festival Gala in the Spring Festival, I can't calm me so calm. The stage is too crowded, the color of the actor is too bright, it seems that all happiness is dotted out, and the brilliant is not taste. I think it is too happy, I am used to it.
But can I pursue happiness? I can't answer myself. Wearing the street walking, I have a good taste in me. Village people always look at me in an envious eye, but I am sighter, even my eyes don't dare to leave the ground. How do they clearly, what ordinary in their eyes is actually actually.
I don't dare to accept their compliments. I don't dare to pick up this superiority in the public. Isn't it enough to explain my uneasiness and anxiety? Where can I see my extraordinary? How have I have an extraordinary?
Life is right with me, saying that they envy me, but they are not as painful, let me lose dreams and find reality.
I was hanging in the air and struggling to die in the restlessness.
I didn't pay for the New Year. The mother said that she didn't barely, I knew that I hurt my mother's heart. She couldn't stand it. I lost my love, but I can't let me down my so-called arrogant self-esteem. For poverty, family and begging is ruthless and invisible in front of wealth, and in this equation, I finally see the university's change in my University. I don't know that this change is coming from A self-esteem or is derived from excessive inferiority. I don't want to analyze myself.
The day should always flow in calm, I don't want to be too difficult.
I was a brother in the night, and my brother asked me, my appearance is very stupid, just say that I am very young. When I was sitting in the train, I threw me alone in an empty station. He didn't say anything to me, I shouted to give me a cold and cold back. The sound of the trains is still awkward in the eardrum, and the sound calls me more convulsions. I am writing a diary in my lattice. The brother said that I have sick, I have clearly sick. The diary is filled with his name. I don't understand why I still want to destroy myself in the middle of the night, let my soul are everywhere. We walked down at your trajectory, isn't it better?
If the dream is true, it is a most painful free.
My father said that I am not a college student. I took a long time for the mirror. If I don't even have my father, I don't know what extent you have already had. The mother said that the year did not give me a dress.
I said that people are ugly to this point, what clothes are all the same, is it really afraid that I can't marry?
Mother said: "Don't suffer yourself because of home."
I am so understanding my parents? I have been working hard for my own happiness, what Zeng I read?
I don't want to go out, I show my love for this family.
I took the room over and over again, took the parents' clothes from the wardrobe, washed, stacked.
My mother is tossed.
My neuro is actually enriching.
The day is close to the day.
The mother is prepared for me for three days like the daughter who sent married.
The father handed me money. Asked me: "Sister, think you are sinking? This is a little mung bean in the family." Mother said: "The other half will leave you." But what is I left for my parents? " It is another year of fatigue and bitterness, can I still feel sinking? The uncle came to see me, gave me crumpled ten yuan, and the neighbor's scorpion sent a winter fresh egg. At this time, I found that there are people who love me around. I have been complaining that there is a kind of trying to be too bitter, I have been suspected of having an attempt in love, in fact, I have never understood, this kind of love does not need Language, never language.
I cried, but it was not only because I was touched, I finally understood that all this is not related to my college degree.
Parents have to deliver me at the platform. The cold wind is born.
The mother tight tight my scarf, checking something I have to take over again. The father said: "If the money is not enough, write a letter to the house."
The car finally came.
I got on the car, I didn't dare to look back. (Author / Li Haixia)
