The 10 principles of peace - when do not know what to say [82] Recommend: Flybird 2005-3-17 11:15:33
With the growth of age, the change of the human world, we often encounter words and stop, do not know what to say. Friends call you, he is unemployed; the colleague's inspection report is released, determined that he is suffering from cancer; university classmates are experiencing wedding change, preparing to divorce; good friends have a miracle; father is sudden death, and wife is not asked for final One side and regrets ....... Face these pain or embarrassment, what can I help? Should you help? How to help it? What extent is to help? And when a friend cries, how to listen and appease his pain and anxiety in the heart of the inner anxiety. And when you encounter difficulties, how do you ask for a good time? Do we have the ability to accept others to help? ........ I found that this top 10 principles also apply to other occasions, especially as a consultant. For many people, witnessing the pain and uneasiness of others, it is very painful, we often want to quickly solve it, take certain actions, or try to provide immediate release. Some people want to avoid mistakes, I would rather choose nothing, and missing the timing of expressing concern. We have a different "dialogue" every day with different people. We may practice in the mind in advance, or just talk about it, what you think is. When others need to support, or when they need to ask for help, they often do not understand, or they are not in the margin, turn around, and we will not be able to cut into key points. How to open the deep dialogue "from the heart"? Instead of only ending on the surface dialogue of "ranting brain"? How to integrate your body, heart, spirit, to do the most effective talk with nature? "Healing Conversation" author South Silk. Golmartin, for how to make up for the gap between interpersonal communication, moderately expressly, and provide 10 principles of "Efficacy Dialogue". The so-called "curative dialogue" refers to the intention of the heart, the intention, so that the contributor has a moderate relief, which naturally reaches the "treatment effect". This book can provide many practical references when you are not sure about "what?" And "how to say?" 10 principles of the efficacy dialogue: 1. Listening to listening is not to be silent, but listening carefully what the other party said, nothing, and true connotation. Listening is not to talk or ask questions; usually we will hurry to share your own story, or ask the other party's question, so that this is to listen to the attitude. However, the so-called listening should be used to listen to the other party with our eyes, ear and heart, and do not immediately know the cause of things. We must be willing to throw your own "inner dialogue". The so-called "Inner Dialogue" means that while listening, the dialogue that is unconscious in the mind, including what is thinking about what to say, how to respond to each other, or on the next topic. 2. Passing between dialogue, sometimes say, sometimes listening; when he heard the sound of "I don't understand ...", it is the temporary pause to ask each other: "Do I miss any plot? ? "We must also remind yourself, slowing down, uncomfortable mechanical reactions, for example, want to quickly solve the restlessness of the other party, so there is no positive thinking, you will jump directly to the stage of action - say something or do what we think What is good for the other party.
Passing and thinking about it, let us stop judging, stop the reaction, and generate a curiosity. So, help in an important moment, we will play the same care, if there is no such pause, we may be in an instant, say the words will be repent later. The pause is like driving, the clutch required to transform the gear: first decelerate to some extent, and the gear can be accelerated. The art of comfort is "" In the right time, say appropriate words ", and" Don't say it if it is impulsive, "said it. 3. When a friend is improper hero helping others spend the difficult years, it is not equal to "save" from the painful situation. People have the rights and responsibilities, to withstand the consequences of their behavior, and the difficulties they bring. We should agree with their pain, let them feel painful, and do not try fast dispersing pain. We only tried to provide bridges that make them cross the "River". When a friend, the family is in the pain of emotion or body, supporting their most basic method is: Allow the other party to cry. In the face of crying, people's most natural response, that is, I hope that the other party will stop crying and tell him: "Don't cry, things can be resolved!" In fact, this is not the most appropriate reaction. When the other party weeps or twee tears, we usually feel uncomfortable to your helpless. However, crying is a way to discover the emotional toxins in vitro, and the tear is a process of healing. So, please don't rush to give each other, just let him know that you support him. 4. Give comfort to comfort is not to tell others: "You should feel ..." or "You shouldn't think ...". People have the right to protect their true feelings. Consolation means: Don't judge them, don't think they are suffering, need to be helpful; comfort means: give them space to do itself, and agree with your feelings. We don't need to express our concern through "consent or opposition". 5. Sense of being touched when we are busy trying to help others, may forget that people will detect our inner fluctuations - do not say the ideas and feelings. Although people can't recognize our ideas, we can usually be seen whether we panic, judge them, or feel sad for them. Consocoming others, and has a big relationship with our inner heart. Because of the feelings of their feelings, we not only share the pain of each other, but also to endure your heart. No matter how the situation is facing, goodwill appears and comfort, is a gift to each other. 6. Long-term wait changes will bring a lot of confusion. No one can quickly rectify the chaos. People need time to adjust, review, change, and inquiry: "If ..., what will happen?" In the "Efficacy Dialogue", we learned the following facts: our family members, colleagues or neighbors, sometimes only we need to be "resizing", and can not use them repeatedly.
