Three cautious and opponents argue
Carnegie believes that no matter what man you use, if you use a look, a talking tone, a gesture, or you tell him wrong, do you think he will agree with you? Never will! Because you directly fight his wisdom, judgment, glory and self-esteem, which will make him think about you, never make him change your mind. Even if you move out of all Plato or Kant's logic, you can't change his younger, because you hurt his feelings. Therefore, never start this way: "Well, I have proved to see you." This sentence is wrong, this is equal to: "I am smarter than you." I want to tell you something, so that you will change your opinion. " That is a challenge. That will reveal the battle, before you have not started, the other party is ready to fight. Even in the most moderate situation, it is not easy to change the ideas of others. Why do you take a more fierce way to make him not easier? Why do you make your own difficulties more? If you have to prove anything, don't let anyone see it. This requires the use of techniques to make the other party notices. "You must teach others if you do not know what he doesn't know." More than 300 years ago, Italian astronomer Galileo said: "You can't teach anything, you can only Help him learn this matter. "Jazz Jazz, the British 19th century politician, said to his son:" If possible, it is much smart than others, but don't tell people that you are smart than him. " "Socrates have repeatedly told the disciples in Athens:" I only know one thing, I don't know anything. "We can't expect to be more high than Socrates, so we no longer tell others that they are wrong. It should be carefully viewed carefully to see the wrong mistakes. If someone says that you think the mistake, if you say it is better? "Yes! I have another idea, but maybe it, I often make the wrong, if I make a mistake, I am very willing. Corrupt it. Let's take a look at the problem. "I can use this sentence" I may not be correct. I often make a mistake. Let's take a look at the problem. "It is really a magical effect. No matter what, no one will be against you: "I may not be right. Let's take a look at the problem." Carnegie curriculum teaching class, a student, Hard Lalenk, Dodge, Nodes, Noddy Car in Mon, Nothing He used this approach. He said that the sales of this industry is very stressed, so he is often cold and ruthless, so that there has been conflict, so that business is reduced, and it has also produced unpleasant. He said in the class. "When you understand this situation, I tried another way. I will say this: 'We really have made a lot of mistakes, it is embarrassed. About your car, we may There is also a mistake, please tell me. '"This method can make customers relieve armed, and after he is exhausted, he usually makes more reasonable, things are easy to solve. Many customers will thank me because of my understanding of this understanding, two of which introduce their friends to buy new cars. In this competitive, we need more customers. I believe that all the opinions of customers will be respectful, and they will be handled in flexible and polite ways will help victory. "You admit that you will make a mistake, you will never get trouble. Don't avoid all disputes, but you can make the other side as wide macro, admit that he may make mistakes. If you are sure Wrong, I told him that the result will be how to mention a special example of Carnegie.
Mr. Shi is a young New York lawyer who recently participated in an important case in the Supreme Court, and the case involved a lot of money and an important legal issue. In the debate, a Supreme Court's judge said: "Is it six years in the complaint of the maritime law?" Mr. Shi stopped and looked at the judge and then said: "Fighting, the Length, the marine law is not The time limit. "" The court suddenly silently, "Mr. Shi later told his experience in the class:" It seems that the temperature will drop to the ice point. I am right, the judge is wrong, I also told him in the field. But do you make him friendly? No. I still believe that the law is in my side, I know that I have been very exciting than the past, but I didn't use diplomatic calls. In this way, I cast a big mistake When everyone pointed out that a person who reputation is outstanding, the knowledge is wrong. "There are no few people have logical thinking, and we have committed the crowd, prejudice, and we have stubborn, embarrassing, fear and Arrogant shortcomings. Therefore, if you want to point out the mistakes made by others, please sit down and read the text below every morning and evening. This is a paragraph from James Harvey Robinson, which is very prominent "Under the process of determination": "We sometimes change your ideas without resistance or being enthusiastic. But if someone says we are wrong, it will enable us to mourn the other party, but also to see your own ideas without the basis, but if someone does not agree with our ideas, it will protect our ideas wholeheartedly. Obviously not those The idea is precious to us, but our self-esteem has been threatened ... 'My', this simple word is the most important thing in the relationship between people. It is the source of wisdom. No matter what I am 'Dinner,' My 'Dog,' My 'House,' My 'Father,' My 'Country or' My 'God has the same power. We not only don't like to say that my form is not allowed, Or my car is too old, and I hate others to correct our knowledge of the train, the drug efficiency or the Asian Wangshaeli is a mistake in the year of the year ... We are willing to continue to believe in the past, If we are confirmed, we will find excuses to defend their beliefs. Results, most of our so-called reasoning, become a excuse to continue to believe what we have already believed. "Outstanding psychologist Carl Rogis wrote in his "how to be a man" book: "When I try to understand other people, I found this is too valuable. I said, you may feel weird. We really Is it necessary to do this? I think it is necessary, not trying to understand these words. When someone describes some kind of feeling, attitude or belief, we almost immediately tend to judge 'to be a good thing', or 'is really funny ',' This is not normal? ',' This doesn't work, "this is not correct ',' This is not very good. '. We rarely let themselves understand what is the meaning of others. "Once, Carnegie requested an interior designer to arrange some curtains for his home. When the bill sent, he was shocked. After a few days, a friend came to see him, saw the curtains, and asked the price, The back is back, saying: "Too much. I see that he accounts for your cheap. "She is telling the truth, but no one is willing to listen to the truth of others to judge their own judgment. Therefore, as a mortal, Carnegie begins to defend himself. He said that there is expensive value, you can't use cheap I bought high quality and artistic taste. The next day, another friend came to visit and start praising those curtains. It was very enthusiastic, saying that she hopes that the home can also afford the beautiful curtains. This The reaction of Carnegie is completely different.
"Sentence is a man," he said, "I can't afford it. I pay too much, I regret it." When we were wrong, I might recognize myself. And if the other party has dealt with very clever and good, we will recognize others, even with your own frank rate. But if someone wants to put the fact that it is difficult to swim into our esophagus, the result is conceivable. During the US Nort-North War, the most famous newspaper Harry Griza fiercely opposed Lincoln's policy, he believed in the battle, ridicule, and insulting to make Lincoln agreed with him. He launched an attack, day after day, year. At that night, the night of Lincoln, Garre, also published a sharp, crudely attacked Lincoln's article. Those sharp attacks make Lincoln agreed with Griza? Nothing at all. Mock and insults are never convincing. If you want to know some ideal suggestions about being a human life, control yourself, to enhance the character, you may want to see the autobiography of Bangjie Franklin - one of the most fascinating biography is also a classic master of the United States. In this autobiography, Franklin narratives how he overcomes the bad habits of an argument, making him the most capable, most and smooth diplomat in the United States. One day, when Franklin is still a young man, the old friend of a teacher called him to the side, and she stunned him, and the situation was roughly as follows: "You really have no medicine. You have already hit Everyone who has different opinions. Your opinions become too precious, making no one to afford. Your friend finds that if you are not present, they will be much more. You know too much, No one can teach you anything; no one is going to tell you what, because it will be hard, it is unpleasant. Therefore, you can't absorb new knowledge, but your old knowledge is very limited. "Franklin accept The painful lesson. At that time, he was already mature, wise, so that you can understand that he is facing the fate of social failure, he immediately changed the arrogance, and wild habits. "I settled a rule," Franklin said, "I will never go to others 'opinions, and I don't want to be too arbitrary. I am not allowed to be too definitive in writing or language. I don't say' of course ',' Undoubtedly, "Waiting," I want ';' I assume 'or' I imagine "this or that, or 'current in my opinion,'. When someone states that I don't think about it. I never refute him immediately, or immediately pointed out his mistakes. When I answer, I said that in some conditions and circumstances, his opinion is not wrong, but in this matter, it seems that it seems like a little There are different and more. I will soon understand the harvest of change, all the talks I am involved, the atmosphere is much harmonious. I express my opinions with modest attitude, but not only it is easy to accept, but also reduce some conflicts; I found that I have a wrong scene, and I happened to agree with me when I happened, and I didn't think of it. "When I started using this method, I really feel that I conflict with my nature. But I will become more and more easy to have been my habit. Maybe for 50 years, no one listened to me, how much is too arbitrary. I am in the right to support this habit, I can get the compatriots to pay attention to the compatriots when I propose a new bill or the old provisions, and after a member of the People's Association, it can have considerable influence. Because I am not good at the call, I can't talk even more, and the condemnation is also very hesitial, and I will say anything wrong; but generally, my opinions have been widely supported. "If the method of Franklin is used in the mall, how is the effect? Carnegie three examples.
Kelly Delom, Wangshan City, North Carolina, is an industrial engineering supervision of a spinning plant. She reported her experience in how she handled a sensitive issue before and after receiving training: "Part of my duty "She reports," is designed and maintained for various ways to encourage employees, so that the homework can produce more yarns, and they can also earn more money. Only produce two, When three different yarns, the way we use is still very good, but we have expanded product projects and production energy in order to produce more than twelve different kinds of yarns. The original way cannot work in operators. Give them a reasonable remuneration, so you can't encourage them to increase production. I have designed a new way to give us the right place according to each of the yarns produced in any period of time. Remuneration. After designing this new way, I participated in a meeting, determined to prove that my approach is correct to the senior staff in the factory. I detailed explanation that the way they have used is wrong, and point out they can't Give the operator's fair treatment, and I have a solution I prepared. But I am completely failed. I am too busy to defend my new way, and I have not left the room, let them recognize the old The mistakes in the way, so my suggestion is also in the dead belly. "After participating in this training period, I deeply understand the mistake I made." I asked another meeting, and in this meeting, I invited them to say anything. We discuss every point and ask them to say the best solution. In appropriate, I guided them in low-key recommendations. When the meeting was terminated, it was actually equal to that I put my approach, and they also warmly accepted this approach. "I am convinced now, if you point out that someone is wrong, not only doesn't get a good effect, but also cause a big damage. You accuse someone just deprive others's self-esteem, and make yourself a unwelcome People. "New York Freedom No. 4 Mc., special tools specializing in the use of oil workers, he accepted a batch of orders in Long Island. The blueprint is present and approved, and the tool began to manufacture. Then, an unfortunate thing happened. The buyer and friends talked about this, they all warned him, saying that he made a big mistake, he was cheated, everything was wrong. Too wide, too short, too this, too. His friends said him to get angry. He played a call to Mr. Mai Hani and vowed that the batch of equipment that had already been manufactured. "I carefully inspected, I am not bad," Mai Hani said afterwards, "I know that he and his friends are not unclear. But I think, if you tell him, it will be very dangerous. I went to Long Island Going to see him, I walked into his office, he immediately jumped, and he came over to me. He was very excited. He said that he waved his fist. He accused me and my equipment, he said: ' Ok, what should you do now? '"I am very calm and tell him, I am willing to do anything to do anything. 'You are spending money to buy something,' I said, 'You should have something you should use, but someone has to be responsible. If you think you are right, please give me a blueprint, although the old case has already spent two thousand dollars, but we are willing to afford this loss. In order to make you satisfied, we would rather sacrifice two thousand dollars. However, I have to remind you first, if we insist on your practice, you have to take this responsibility. But if you let us let us take the original plan - I believe that the original plan is right - then we can guarantee you absolute responsibility.
'"He calm down, finally said:" Well, take the plan, but if it is wrong, God bless you. " '"The result is not wrong, so he promised me, this season also has to bind two batches of goods to me." When the main pays insult me, waving the fists in front of me, saying that I really need the highest The self-cultivation will not argue with him to protect yourself. This does require extreme homemade, but the result is worth it. If I said that he is wrong, I started to argue, it is likely to play a lawsuit, feeling, losing a money, and lose an important major. Indeed, I am convinced that others are wrong. "Kloli is the salesman of New York Taylor Timber Company. He acknowledged that he always pointed out the mistakes of those temper timber inspectors. Although he won the debate, it is not a good benefit." Because those Test staff ", Kloli said," Like the baseball referee, once the judgment is under, it is never changed. Klli saw that although he won, it made the company lost thousands of money. Therefore, when he was in Caterieban, he decided to change the skills and no longer argue with people. Here is he is The report in the class: "One morning, my office phone rang. A anger of an anger, a car complained in the phone, the car, the car, who did not match their specifications, his company has ordered the car to stop unloading, please arrange the wood immediately. After the wood removes quarter cars, their wood inspector reported that fifty-fifty-fifty-fifty-fifth In this case, they refuse to accept it. "I immediately went to the other's factory. On the way, I have been looking for a better way to solve the problem. Usually, in that case, I will introduce him with my work experience and knowledge. The inspector, the wood is beyond the level. However, I think, still use the principle of people who have learned from the classroom. "I got to the factory, I found that the purchase director and the inspector were unhappy, a pair waiting The gesture of a lifting bar quarrel. We walked to the trucks of unloading, I asked them to continue to unload, let me see how the situation. I invite the inspector to continue to pick out the non-specific wood, put the qualified to another pile. "Think, I only know that his inspection is too strict, and it also screws the inspection rules. The batch of wood is Bausong, although I know that the inspector is very rich in hardwood, but check Bausong Not enough, the experience is not much. Bai Song happened to be my most inner, but I propose objection to the inspector to assess Bausong level? Absolutely no. I will continue to watch, slowly ask him some wood What is the reason? I didn't hit him for a mistake. I stressed that I would like to teach him, just hope to meet the requirements of their company in the future. "As a very friendly and cooperative tone, and insist As if he picks up the unsatisfactory part, he is happy, so the swords between us are pulling the emotions began to relax. Occasionally, I will ask a few words, let him think that some of the wood that can be accepted may be specific, and he also makes him feel that their prices can only require this color. However, I am very careful, don't let him think that I am interested. "Gradually, his whole attitude is changed. Finally he frankly admitted that his experience in Bausong wood and asked me about the problem of Bausong board moving down from the car. I just explained why those pine plates are in touch with Specifications, and still persisted, if he also thinks not to use, we don't want him to accept.
He finally arrived at a place where a uncoiled wood was picked up. Finally, he saw that the error was that they did not specify how good they needed. "The last result is that after I left, he re-opened the removed wood, all accepted, so we received a full check." Single with this matter, use a little skill, And try to stop ourselves to point out the mistakes of others, you can make our company in substantially reduce a large amount of cash, and the good relationship we have acquired, it is possible to measure. "Someone asked the peace attendee Martin Ludder Gold, why worship the highest black military officer in the United States, but the general of Nil James, Dr. Jin replied that" I judge that others are based on their principles, not According to my own principles. "Similarly, when the US Nort-North War, Luo Bo Li has once in front of the Southern Banglian President Jeavens, Davis, talked to an officer under his belonging to the extremely praised tone. Another one in the field. The officer was very surprised. He said, "Do you know? The officer you just praised, but your death, he will attack you viciously. "Yes," General Li replied, "But the president asked what I got to him, not asking him to me. "Two thousand years ago, Jesus said:" I agree against you as soon as possible. "Two thousand years ago in Jesus, the king of Egyptia, gave him some savvy advice:" Smooth, it allows you to get it. "To make others agree with you, please respect the opinions of others, don't point out the other party wrong. Carnegie believes that ten eight nine, the result of the debate will make the two sides believe that it is absolutely correct than before, you can't win the debate. If you lose, of course you lose; if you win, or lose. Why? If your victory makes the other party's argument, it proves that he is nothing, how is it? You will feel Ocean, but he? You make him self-love. You hurt his self-esteem, he will resent your victory. And - "A person even orally, but I don't accept it. "Pan En Mutual Summit Insurance Company has set up an iron:" Don't argue. "The real sales spirit is not arguing, people's minds will not change because of argument. Ouhary is now a star salesman of New York Wai Dai Motor. How did he succeed?" This is his statement: "If I am going now Entering the office, and the other party said: 'What? White truck? not good! I don't want to send me, I want it to the truck. 'I will say:' Dude, how the color of the game is really good. Buying their trucks is absolutely faithful. How Jochi's car is an excellent company's products, and the salesperson is also quite excellent. "So he has nothing to say, there is no room for arguing. If he said, the car is best, I said it, he only has a place. He can't always say that after I agree with him, he also said that it is best to say the car in the afternoon '. Then we don't talk about how to play, I started to introduce the advantages of Wied. "If you hear his kind, I have been so much. I will start to pick up the wrong way; I am more criticizing that the car is not good, the other party is better to say it; more debate, the other party I like my competitors' products. "Now I recall, I really don't know how to do sales work in the past. I spent a lot of time in my life and arguing, I am now going to pass the mouth. Practice has proved that it is effective. "Just as wise Bangjie Franklin said:" If you are always arguing, refuting, maybe occasionally win; but that is a void victory, because you will never get the other party.
"So you have to measure: You would rather be like a literal, the victory on the surface, or someone else to you? You may be reasonable in your debate, but you want to change the idea of others, you are wrong. Make you all in vain. The Minister of Finance Minister William McKan, the US President of the United States, will be attributed to the experience of many years of political career: "It is impossible to make ignorant people. "Carnegie further explained that according to his own experience, no matter how intelligent talents, you can't change anyone's idea. In" Drop ", a piece of article in the book, how to make different opinions Not a debate focus: 1. Welcome different opinions to remember this sentence: "When two opinions are always different, one is not needed. "If you haven't thought of it, and if someone comes out, you should heartfelt gratitude. Different opinions are the best opportunities you avoid significant mistakes. 2. Don't believe that your intuition is when someone comes to different opinions, you The first natural reaction is self-defense. You have to be careful, keep calm, and be careful of your intuitive response. This may be your worst place, not the best place. 3. Control your temper remember, you can According to the situation of a human temper, how big is this person 's metrics and achievements. 4. Let's listen to the opportunity to talk to your opponents. Let them finish, do not resist, protect or Arguing. Otherwise, will only increase the obstacle to each other. Work hard to establish a bridge, don't deepen misunderstand. Honestly recognize your mistakes, and tell you to apologize for your mistakes. This can help relieve the arms of the opponents and reduce their defense. 7. Agree to carefully consider the opinions of opponents agreed to be true. Your The opinions proposed by the opponents may be, at this time, agree to consider their opinion is a wise practice. If the opponent said to you: "We have long been going to tell you, but you are not listening. "Then you are so embarrassed. 8. I sincerely thank the people who care about your things in anyone who will express their different opinions. They must be careful about the same thing as you. Take them as people who want to help you. Perhaps you can turn your opponents to your friends. 9. Subtle taking action, letting both sides have time to consider the question, suggesting that the next day or the next day, so all the facts may consider It is here. When you are ready to hold the next meeting, ask yourself: "Opinions against others, can it be right? Still some is right? Is their position or reason? My reaction is reducing the problem or only is it to reduce some frustration? I will make my opponents away from me or close me? Will my reaction will improve others to my evaluation? Will I win or fail? If I won, what kind of price I will do? If I don't talk, will different opinions disappear? Will this puzzle will be my chance? "Opera male high-tone real, Pierce's marriage is almost 50 years. Once he said:" My wife and I have set an agreement for a long time. Whether we are dissatisfied with each other, we have always abide by This agreement. This agreement is: When a person is big, another person should listen to - because when two people are screaming, there is no communication, some are just noise and vibration. "So, please remember this rule:" The only secret won from the debate is to avoid argument.
"Rockefeller has encountered extremely difficult things, and workers' strikes have not been able to calm down. In the kind of hatred atmosphere, Rockefeller is trying to make the striker to accept his opinion, he succeeded. What should he do? He? He? He I have used a few weeks to take a friend, and then speaking to the workers. The whole speech is a masterpiece. It has caused the magical effect, and the hate storm to be swallowed by Rockefeller, and won a lot of admirers. He offers the truthful attitude, friendly to make the strike worker back to work, do not talk about improving wages. This is the opening of the famous speech. Please pay attention to his goodwill in the line. To know, Lockefeller speech object, I still want to hang him on the sour apple tree a few days ago, but he even harmoniously than the face of a group of missionary doctors. His speech used these sentences, like "I can be honored to come here", " I have been to your home "," I have seen my wife and children "." Today we are all asks for friends rather than strangers, "" The spirit of friendly mutual love "," our common interest ", "I can here, I have rely on your support for you" and so on. "Today, it is worthy of memorable life." Rockefeller began to say, "This is my first time I will meet this great company's labor representative. , Staff and supervision, everyone gathered together. I can tell you, I am honored to come here, and the year will not forget this party. If this party is held before the two weeks ago, I must be very strange to most people here, I only recognize a few faces. Last week I had the opportunity to see all the sheds in the South District Coal Mine, and I have some conversations with the representatives. In addition to the representatives that are not present, all have seen it. I visited your family, I have seen my wife and children. Today we all meet with friends, no longer a stranger, there is already a spirit of friendly mutual love, I am very happy to have this opportunity and you together. Discuss the issue of our common interests. "Since the party is originally participated by the factory staff and the labor representative, I can have a support for all the support. Because I am neither the employee representative, not the labor representative. However, I deeply feel that I follow your relationship. I intimated, because I am in a certain point, I represent shareholders and directors. "Is this not an excellent example of a friend? If Rockefeller uses another method, if he is arguing them with the workers, use a serious fact to scare them, if he uses a hint of tone to point out them wrong, if you use the logic rule to prove that they are wrong, what will happen? It can only be more angry, more hatred and more resistance. If a person's heart is full of malicious and conflict, you have moved out of the logic of all familys, and it can't convince him. Pastel parents, the big boss and husbands and their husbands must understand that people don't like to change their opinions, they can't be forced or threatened and agree with you, but they will be willing to accept our kindness. The opening of friendly attitude. Lin Lin said the same words in one hundred years ago. The following is his statement: "An ancient and true motto says: 'One drop of honey is better than a gallon bile, can catch more flies.' People are also the same, if you want others to agree with your principles, let him believe You are his faithful friend. Win his heart with a drop, you can make him on the avenue of rationality. "Recognizing" a man who is more than a gallon bile, caught more flies ", The daily behavior will also show gentle and friendly attitude. Gaier Connad, Dewvil, Marina, proves the correctness of this sentence. Once he bought a new car, he sent the car into the maintenance site of the car dealer three times within four months. He said in Carnegi Bank, "It is obvious, and the manager in the maintenance site conversation, how to explain, or accuse him, it is impossible to solve my problem satisfactorily.
"I went to the car exhibition room, asked for Mr. White Wait. I waited for a while. I took into his office under guiding. First introduce yourself, explain to him, tell him The company bought a car because of a friend's promotion. They have bought the car to him, saying that the price of the car is very fair, the service is also very good. After these words, I am satisfied and smile. Then I Then explain the problem between me and his maintenance field. I pointed to him, 'I think you must have a great concern that may have a good good value.' He expressed thanks to me to tell him about this matter, and I guarantee that my problem will be solved. He not only took care of this matter, but also when I was repaired, I borrowed him my own car. "Ren Hong, friendly and praise more vision than any violence Change the intention of others. Therefore, we must start from friendship when doing anything, cautiously with others, will make your divest arts further improve. The income tax consultant was derived as a result of a non-income tax, and the tax audit was controversred for an hour, and the auditor arrogant and stubborn. Delivery decision no longer argues with him, changed another topic. He said: "This fact is in short-term, I also studied tax issues, but that is the book, but it is from practice. Sometimes, I really want to have a job like you. "This, the audit stretched on the chair, started to talk to his work, and slowly and friendly attitude. Three days later, the derived received his phone, saying that the income tax decision did not survive. This audit is a feeling of an important person. Dedicated and arguing, the more important him to emphasize the authority. Once his authority is admitted, the argument of the nature is the same, and he also has become a person with a tolerant attitude and sympathy. It can be seen that the method of truly winning the victory is not an argument. The debate must be, and even the controversy of the most unlocked traces must not be. If you are always a raised, refute, even if it is occasionally win, it will never have a good sense of the other party. Can you measure it? Is it going to be verbally, the surface of the surface, or do someone else to your goodness? Lincoln has a young officer who rebuked a fierce quarrel with colleagues. He said: "Any person who wants to make a difference, it is not willing to spend time on private dispute. On the issue of misunderstanding with others, you have to let a little step; if you are really right, you will make a little more Step. In short, you can't lose your own system. Strive to your dog, it is better to take a bite, it is better to let it go. Just grazing it, it is not good for your bite. "How is the key to get a step? The degree is not embarrassed, so that you can feel that the other party will accept it. Proposing the problem will consider this problem. For example, people who require long salary first have to determine the biggest possibility of your concession? What will happen if you are willing to stay? If you don't want to stay again? These must be designed. In addition, it is necessary to consider that when you ask these requirements, you will think that leaders will also mention some requirements. For example, since you have to pay for a long salary, he will ask you to take more responsibility, you want you to increase productivity within the original work. Of course, you don't want this, but just hope to increase salary on the original basis, even more than the original less. But this is definitely unrealistic. It must be true value for you to salary. So, if this happens, your concessions will be different. Everyone wants to pay the minimum price to get the maximum return. This is idealist. The two coordinated examples in real life are rare, and it is often paid to have not seen the return.
