Carnegie interpersonal relationship
One understanding of each other's point of view
Carnegie's disorder is not only manifested on self-understanding, but also requires the other party's point of view. because,
Only by clarify the other party's point of view, you can find a suitable deal with it.
Carnegie is fishing every summer to Maine. He is very like strawberry and cream to make a bait, but he is strange
Faste, fish more preferred bugs. Therefore, every time you go fishing, he doesn't want himself, thinking is that the fish is.
Carnegie's fishing hook does not put strawberries and cream, and he hangs a small insect or in front of the fish, saying: "You don't want to eat.
Do you eat this? "
Why use this common sense differently when you fish others?
Li Luo George has got a lot of inspiration. Often someone asks him, when all those war leaders -
Wilsen, European, Krims -
When he kicked and forgotten, he still mastered the power. He replied that if he has any reason
If it is, it may be because he already knows: If you want to catch fish, the bait must be suitable for fish.
Why talk about what we want? This is a child's ridiculous idea. Of course, you are interested in what you want
You will always be interested in yourself, but others are not interested in what you want. Other people are with you
Symptom, only interested in what they want.
Therefore, the only way to affect others is to talk about what he wants, teach him how to get it.
please remember! When you want someone to do something tomorrow, please say, when you don't smoke your son,
Don't tell him what the truth, just let him know that smoking will make him unable to join the basketball team, or win a hundred meters.
This is a point worth remember, whether you are a child, or a cow, or chimpanzee. For example: one day,
Emerson and his son want to get a calf into the cowshed, but they made a mistake made in a general person - just want
To what they want: Emerson is pushing behind, his son pulls in front. But the calf is doing it with them.
Like, it is just what it wants. Therefore, the gully is tight, and it is stubborn to leave the origin. That Irish woman
The servant saw their dilemma - she would not say it, but at least this time, she has more than I love.
About the knowledge of the horses. She thought about the calf, so she put her thumb into the mouth of the calf, so that small
The cattle lasted the finger while gently introducing it into a cowshed.
From your birth, your do what you do is because you have a need. Why did you donate to the Red Cross?
Hundred dollars? Because you have to help others, because you have to show a beautiful, non-personal, sacred row
for. "Since you do this on our brothers, it is equivalent to me."
If you don't feel better than your love, you will not have the donation. when
Of course, you can donate money because you are embarrassed to refuse, or you will do this. But one thing is
OK, your donation is because of what you need.
Professor Avo Histore said in his inspirational "influence of human behavior": "Action
This desire ... and what I can want to persuade others - whether it is in the business, family, school,
Politics - the best advice is: First, pick up the opponent's eager desire. People who can do this can
Master the world; people who are unable, will be lonely. "
Anzu Carnegie, this poverty, such as washing, the hourly salary is two points, the most
Then donated 300 million US dollars. He has learned very early, and it can affect the only way to others is to do with the views of the other party. He only got a four-year study, but he learned how to treat others.
For example, he is worried about her two children.
They will study in Yale University, for their own business, busy no time to write home, and I don't pay attention to their mother.
Anxious letters go.
So Carnegie proposed to bet one hundred yuan, he doesn't have to ask back, you can get a reply. Someone bets him,
So he wrote a letter to his letter to him. He came with the letter to say that he sent them five dollars.
However, he did not attach the money in the letter.
Let's come, thank you "Dear Ancestors' uncle" good writing letter -
You can guess what is written by the next sentence.
A classmate in Carnegieban, Stan Novak, Cleveland, Ohio, offers a persuasive
example. One night he went home, and found his little son ruled on the living room floor and cry. Meter tomorrow
It is necessary to start the kindergarten, but he refused. If in the usual, histori's reaction is to rush to the room to the room.
It is best to go to the kindergarten, and he did not choose on the kindergarten. But at this evening, he realized
This does not help to take a good mood to go to kindergarten. Tand is sitting down, "If I am, why
Will you be happy to go to the kindergarten? "He and his wife listed all the things that Kindergarten like to do, if used
Finger painting, sing, make new friends. Then they take action. "We - My wife, Lily, I am another
Son, and me - start painting on the table in the kitchen, and truly enjoy the fun. want
When you can't get it, the meter peeked at the corner, and he asked him to participate. 'No, you must first go to kindergarten
How to draw a painting. 'I am with the biggest enthusiasm, what he can understand, put me and my wife listed in the table
The item explains to him - telling him that all of him will have fun in kindergarten. The next morning, I thought I was all
The first person getting up at home. I walked down and found that the rice sat in the chair sleeping in the living room.
'How do you sleep here? 'I asked him. 'I am waiting to go to the kindergarten. I don't want to be late. 'Our whole family
The enthusiasm has caused an extremely desirable need in the merits, and this is not possible to discuss or threaten intimidation.
of. "
Tomorrow, maybe you will persuade someone to do something. Before you open, stop and ask: "How do I make
Do you want to do this? "
This problem allows us to get lost, and there is no result of talking about our wishes.
Carnegie has experienced such a thing.
He rented a big dance hall to a hotel in New York, with twenty nights, held a series of lectures every season.
At the beginning of a certain season, he suddenly received a notice, saying that he must pay almost three times higher than the previous rent.
When Carnegie got this notice, the admission ticket was printed and sent out, and all the notices have been announced.
.
Of course, Carnegie does not want to pay this increased rent, but there is nothing wrong with the people in the hotel.
Used, they are only interested in what they want. Therefore, after a few days, he went to see the manager of the hotel.
"I have a little surprised," Carnegie said, "But I don't blame you at all. If I am you, I
A similar letter may also be issued. As the manager of the hotel, you have a responsibility to increase your income as much as possible. If you don't
Doing this, you will lose your current position. Now, we take a paper to list the pros and cons.
Come, if you insist on increasing rent. "
Then, Carnegie takes out a letterpress, marks a line in the middle, while writing "profits", and the other side is "disadvantage".
He wrote these words in "Life": "The Ballroom is empty". Then: "You have to rent a dance hall to
The benefits of others will dance or open the meeting, this is a big benefit, because this activity is better than renting people.
The lecture can increase many income. If I take your dance hall for twenty nights, I'm of course a pen.
Small loss.
"Now, let's consider the disadvantages. First, you can't add income from me, but will reduce
Your income. In fact, you don't have a little income, because I can't pay the rent you ask, I have to be
Forced to other places to open these lessons.
"You still have a bad place. These courses have attracted many people who have been educated and cultivated to your hotel.
This is a good propaganda, isn't it?
In fact, if you spend five thousand dollars in the news of advertising, you can't attract this.
Some people will take a look at your hotel. Isn't this a restaurant? Isn't it worth it? "
One side of Carnegie said, one side of the two bad places in "disadvantage", then handed the paper to the manager of the hotel,
Say: "I hope that you will consider the pros and cons of you may get, then tell me your final decision."
The second day, Ka Niki received a letter, inform him that the rent is only 50%, not 300%.
Here, Carnegie did not say what he had, he got this result of this. Carnegie has always been talking
On the other party, and how he can get what he wants.
Assuming that Carnegie makes the usual average person, it is assumed that his anger is rushing to the manager's office saying: "You this
What does it mean? It is clear that my admission ticket has been printed, and the notice has been issued, but it is necessary to increase the rent of me three times?
Do you have this! "
So what will the situation? An argument will be in full swing -
And you know what consequences bring. Even if Carnegie can make him believe that he is wrong, his
Self-respect will make him difficult to succumb and concession.
About being a human life, this is a famous saying. "If there is any secret," Henry Ford said,
"It is to understand the other's point of view, and to observe the kind of talent from his angle and your angle."
This paragraph is really good!
This sentence is too simple, too obvious, anyone should see the truth; but there is the world
90% of the people in 90%, but ignored the truth.
For example, look at the letters on your desk tomorrow morning, you will find that most of those letters violate
This common sense. Take this letter, write a letter is the supervisor of the radio department of a broadcaster, and there are bones in the United States.
Division, this letter sent to radio station managers all over the United States. Carnegie made his opinion on this matter. (Each
The text within the number is the reaction of Carnegie on this practice. )
Mr. Brandville John Brand, Indiana, Dear Mr. Brand, I hope that in the radio
The leading position of the advertising business is maintained.
(Who is your company hopes? I am worried about my own question. Bank is preparing to confiscate my house to
Puzzle, the pests are bullochemur, yesterday, the stock fell sharply, I missed the train at 8:15 this morning, last night
Zhong Shou did not invite me to dance, the doctor said that my blood pressure is too high, there is neuritis, too much scalp. Then, again
What is it? I arrived at the office this morning, I opened my letters, but I didn't see a name in New York.
The characters of the pass, what hopes of his company. If he can understand the impression of this letter, he will leave the advertising industry and change to create disinfectant. )
The company's advertisers are those radios. Every year, the company's turnover is among famous.
(You are big, rich, and it is far ahead, what is it? I don't care, even if your company has a general car public
Division, Singular Electric Company and US Army Headquarters are so big. If you are not so shallow, you should be clear
White, I only care about how big me - not how much you have. You mention how success you have, all this only makes me feel awkward.
Small and not important. )
We hope to provide our customers with the latest news about the radio station.
(You hope! You don't know how to be thick. I don't care what you want, or Mussoli
Hope, or what is the hope of CClausbet.
I want to do it, tell you, I only interested in me - and for this point, you are not in you.
This ridiculous letter mentioned one word. )
Therefore, you can list the company as the necessary object you report weekly - each for the advertising company
It is conducive to the details of the advertisement in the gold time.
("The necessary object." Good tone! You talk about your big company, so that I feel negligible -
Then you want me to include you in the "necessary" object, even if you don't even say something. )
Turn back immediately, tell us the "activities", which will be beneficial to each other.
(You are really stupid! You sent me a low-level reply letter - a blind horse like autumn leaves to the end of the earth
Thousands of people; you actually fight for the house mortgage, the hollyhock and high blood pressure, I want to sit down, pro
Self-drawing a private letter, telling you to receive this reply letter - and you want me to "instantly" back. you
What does "instantly" mean? Don't you know that I am busy with you - or, at least I like to be with you.
Sample busy. Also, since we are talking about this problem, I will ask you, what is your power or order I do this?
which? ... you say this will be "beneficial to each other", finally, you start to see my point of view. But how is it?
I am helpful, you have a vague. )
Sincere, the Radio Railway Department Manager John Brack will start: the copy of the Brandville Daily,
You have a reference value, you may have to play out on the TV. (Finally, you are reopeous, mentioning a meeting may
To help me solve a problem with a question. Why don't you mention this at the beginning of your belief - but what is useful?
? The people in any advertising community have made this problem, and there must be a problem with the madness. You don't need to write a letter to we
Recent, you need a quaver iodine, inject your thyroid. )
Carnegie believes that if a person is committed to the advertising business, he thinks that he has advised others to buy advertisements.
Waiting for talents - if he wrote this letter, we have a butcher, bread master, automobile mechanical repairman,
What can I expect?
Below is another letter, a student, a major freight company, writes to a student in Carnegra, Mr. Vi Milan
of. What effect does this letter will have a recipient?
New York Broco Poett Street
Recipient: Mr. Vimilan
Dear Sirs:
Our foreign goods accepting the homework, often hindered, because many goods are sent in the evening,
Causes traffic congestion, our staff overtime, and the retardation of vehicles, sometimes it is delayed. On November 10, we
It is already a batch of five hundred or ten pieces from your company. It is already four pm when it arrives here.
We ask your company to cooperate to jointly overcome this adverse effect due to late arrivals. Can we ask
If you ask your company, you should take the goods on the same day, try your truck early, or
Send a part in the morning?
If this is arranged, your truck can be driven more quickly, and it is also more likely to send the goods sent by your company.
The day is shipped.
Director ××× Launa Riga Sales Manager Mr. Vi Milan After reading this letter, send it to the card.
Base, another review: "The effect received by this letter is completely opposite to the origin. This letter started
Describe the difficulties of the shipping company, in general, this is not what we are interested. Then I ask us to cooperate, silk
Unexpectedly, it would give us inconvenience. In the last paragraph, I finally mentioned that if we cooperate, it will be
Our trucks are quickly turned back, and the day of our goods can be shipped. In other words, I
The most interested in finally mentioned, and the entire effect produced is hostile, not the psychology of cooperation. "
Let's take a look at whether to rewrite and rewrite this letter. We don't waste time to talk about our problems, just like a snoring
Lie Ford said, we should "understand other people's point of view, from his angle and our own point of view."
Below is a modified way, perhaps not the best way, but this is also an improvement.
NEW YORK BLOKINFA
Submit Mr. Ti Milan
Dear Mr. Vamara:
Your company has been one of our best customers in fourteen years. Of course, we are very grateful to your care.
It is therefore very happy to provide you with a rapid and effective service. However, we regret that if your truck is
In the dusk, it is a large number of goods, such as the situation of November 10, we can't provide this service.
. Because many other companies are also delivered at dusk. In this way, the phenomenon of crowding is generated.
Make your trucks inevitably blocked in the terminal, sometimes even make the goods can't ship on time.
This situation is very bad, very bad. How to avoid it? It is to send your goods as much as possible before noon.
Go to the dock, so you can make your truck activities, you can immediately send your freight out, and our
The staff can also return home and enjoy the delicious heart powder produced by your company.
Please don't think this is a complaint, please don't think I am telling you how to run your company. I write this
A letter, mainly to serve you in a more effective way.
Regardless of your goods arrive, you still have to serve you with the greatest power.
You are very busy. Please don't have to reply.
Supervisor ××× enlightenment in a bank of New York, Mella, Aede, moving to Adelli in the health of his son
San Na Phoenix goes. She used the principle learned at Carnegieban and wrote the following letter to the 10th of the Phoenix City.
Two banks:
Dear Sirs:
I have ten years of experience in banking, and I should be interested in fast-growing banks.
I have worked in various departments of New York Board Trust Company, and now he has been promoted to the division manager, familiar with the bank departments.
Services, including relationships, credit, loans, and administrative relationships with storage.
I will move to Phoenix in May, and I am convinced that I can help the growth and profit of your bank. I will be on April 3
Arrived in Phoenix once a week, if you can give the opportunity, make myself how to help your bank reach your goals, then feel
The exhaustion.
Praise
Business
Barbella Ande
After this letter issued, there were eleven in the twelve banks to trust to talk about it, and foot can be used for her choice. why
? Mrs. Ande didn't say what she had, but only in the letter, she can help them, it is
Need, not her own needs. Today, there are thousands of sales in the road, tired, and negative, and insufficient income. why?
Because they have been thinking about it. They didn't find it, you or I didn't want to buy anything. If I
If we want to buy, we will buy it yourself. But we always want to solve our problem, if a salesman can let
We know how his service or product will help us solve the problem, he doesn't need to sell us, we
Naturally it will be bought. Customers like to feel that he wants to buy - not sold.
But many people sell for a lifetime, but I don't know what to see from the perspective of customers. Carnegie lives in the forest mountain
Qiu, this is a small residential area of the New York Center. One day, when he hurried to the station, he happened.
A person who engages in real estate, in Long Island trading real estate for many years, is very familiar with the forest hill, so Qaaiki asked,
His cement house is covered with metal strips or hollow bricks. That person said, but I told the Ka Shui already known.
of! He said that Carnegie can call the Forest Park Hortien Mong a clear. The next morning, Carnegie received him.
A letter. Does he give the information you have to be Qa Ni? As long as he makes a call, it can be within 60 seconds.
Answer. But he didn't play, but told the card to the Kaiki, you can call and ask, then ask the Carnegie Office insurance.
Carnegie said that he is not interested in helping others, he is only interested in helping yourself.
Hao Hua Lucas, Birmingham, Alabama, said how two salesmen of the same company deal with the same company
A type of condition. He said:
"Before a few years, I held a high level in a small company. There is a big insurance company near our company.
Distinguish company, they distribute work by region, and our company is responsible for two salesmen.
Within the work area. I call these two salespersons for Carl or John.
"One morning, Carl to our office, and mentioning his company has just set up a special high.
Level staff insurance plans to think that we will be interested in, and say that after he has obtained more information
Let's see us again.
"Just on the same day, we went to drink coffee back to the sidewalk, John saw that we shouted:
'Wait for me, I have good news to tell you. 'He rushed up and excitedly told us that his company is
That day set up a plan specially for senior staff insurance (plan to talk to us with Karli
Sample), he wants us to do the first insurer and also said:
'This insurance and past are completely different, I have already asked the head office to send a person tomorrow to make further instructions.
Now I ask you to sign the underwriting book, then organize it, then there are more information for him to explain. 'Although I
They don't know the detailed situation of this insurance, but his enthusiasm has made us urgently needed this insurance.
When the insurance contract sent to us, we found that the content inside is fully compliant with John's preliminary understanding of this insurance.
He not only made every person attended the insurance, but also doubled the insurance.
"Carburn can get the performance of these insurance, but he did not work hard to cause us to participate in this insurance.
desire. "
Professionals often make the same mistake. A few years ago, Carnegie walked into a famous nasal rhinosis in Ferradelfia.
Experts' clinic. Experts asked him where he was engaged in him before checking his tonswood. Experts on his tonsil
Not interested, he is interested in the size of the Carnegie wallet. He is mainly concerned, not how he should be treated; he is the master
What is going to care is that he can get much from others. As a result, he can't get anything. Carnegie out him
Clinic and despise him no personality.
People in the world full of such as "greed, I am getting more than. Therefore, a few people who are not self-private and help others will have a lot of gains, and he does not compete. Owen Mei said: "A thing that can be seen from others, it can
People who understand the soul of others will never worry about their future. "
If you read this book, you can only learn something: gradually think about someone else, see someone else's point of view
Things - If you learn this from this book, it can easily turn into a milestone in your career.
Explore other people's point of view, and in his heart, it is an urgent need for a matter, not to guide
This person makes him only beneficial to you, but it should be in this situation.
reward.
Just to give Mr. Vamn, sending a letter and accepting both sides of the recommended things to be implemented.
Wait. Mrs. Ande Sheng made a bank and her both sides got victory, and the bank received a valuable job.
People, while Ande is a suitable job. In the example of John selling insurance to Lucas, both sides are also
Have obtained.
It is an urgent desire to be eager to make each other example of gain, which is from Rhodes.
Mike Wenden, Tiek City, Guas, is proposed, and he is a regional salesman in Shell Oil Company. Mike hopes
For the regional salesman in the region of the performance, there is a gas station to make his efforts have affected, this
The gas station is a manager for an old man. Mike wants to make this elderly to maintain the cleaning of the gas station.
Therefore, the amount of gasoline sales is reduced.
Whether Mike requests to improve the cleaning of the gas station, this old man is ignorant. After many persuasion and sincere
After the conversation is not effective, Mike decided to invite this manager to see the latest Shell gas station in his area.
The manager impressed the facilities of the new oil station, and when Mike went to see him next time, his gas station
It has become clean, and the sales volume has increased, so that Mike has reached the target of the first performance in the region. he
The past conversations and discussions have not received the effect, but he has caused the needs of the manager and eager, and
Invited the manager to visit the modern gas station, he reached his goal, so the manager and Mike have
To the benefit.
Repeat again, Professor Avo History, "First, Pick up the eager desire of each other. Can do
People who come to this can master the world; people who are unable to, will be alone. "
There is a student in Carnegieban, worried about his little boy. That child is insufficient, it is not good for eating,
His father takes a general man's way:
Take anything and jealous. "Mother wants you to eat this, eat that. Father wants you to grow high again."
Does the child will pay these requests for their parents? Obviously, it is like you like the sand on the beach.
Ignore.
Anyone who is common sense will not expect a three-year-old child to respond to the thirty-year-old father's point of view.
But this is what the father is expected. He finally saw this, so he said to himself: "This child wants
What is it?
How can I change what I want? "
When he begins to think about it, things are easy. His child has a three-wheeled bicycle, he likes home
The sidewalk at the door is riding. His family lives around a child, often pulling him down, and puts the bike
Grab ride.
Of course, this little boy cried and returned to tell the mother, and the mother will come out and pull the big child.
Take it down, put your child again to the bicycle. This kind of thing is happening almost every day.
What is this child want? Even if not Holmes, I know the answer to this question. His self-esteem, he
The anger, he is eager to get the feeling of important people - all his strongest emotions - drive him to take retaliation, latire the nose of the big child. And when his father told him, one day he can fight the bigger child
Hua flowing water, if he is willing to eat mother to let him eat food - once his father assured him, he no longer
The crouched fault. That child is willing to eat spinach, bream cabbage, salted squid and anything, so that you can grow up quickly, put
That time you often humiliate his little fighter.
After solving this problem, do your father and encounter another problem: the child has a bad habit of urine.
The child sleeps with his grandmother. Every morning, his grandmother wakes up, I will touch my bed, say "you, Jiangany,
You have done a good thing last night. "
He will say: "No, no, it is doing it."
Subject to him, hit him, shame him, repeatedly say that his mother does not have to have a life-
All this is not allowed to keep the bed dry. So, ask your parents: "How can we make this child?
Stop urine? "
First of all, do you know what he wants? First, he wants to wear pajamas as Dad, not like grandmother.
Wearing a robe. Grandmother fed up at night harassment, so if he didn't have a bed, I was happy to buy a pajamas for him.
Second, he wants to have a bed. Grandmother is not opposed.
His mother took him to department store, blinked to the clerk, said: "This small gentleman is going to buy something."
Miss store operator can make the child feel that their own important tone said: "Young people, I can take something for you.
Take a look? "
He stood there and said, "I want to buy a bed for myself."
When the lady of the clerk hopes that his mother hopes that the bed he bought him, she blinked his eyes on the clerk, so
This little boy was in persuasion and bought it.
The bed was sent the next day. That night, when my father returned home, the little boy ran to the door: "Dad!
Upstairs, look at the bed I bought for myself. "
Do your father to see the bed, obeying the history of Shi Bo: "Sincerely, Ju Xu, weighted."
"Don't you get this bed, right?" Be a father.
"Yes, right! I don't take this bed." The little boy complied with his promise, because of his self-esteem.
This is his bed, he bought it back. And he is now wearing pajamas, like a small adult, he hopes to move like an adult.
He did it.
Another father, named Daventum, is a telephone technician, and a student at Carnegieban, he has no
The method makes his three-year-old daughter to have breakfast. Usually, the way, request, and induction, therefore doing parents
I asked myself: "How can we make her breakfast?"
This little girl likes to imitate her mother, like to feel that they have grown up. So, one morning, he
They put her on a chair and made her breakfast. At this moment, do your father into the kitchen, and she is
At the breakfast food, she said: "Dad, I did my breakfast this morning."
This morning, she had two bowl of cereal wheat, because she was interested in the cereal. she was
I got a feeling of important people; she found that breakfast is a self-performance method.
William Wanttel said: "Self-performance is the most important factor in human nature." Why are we doing business
Can you adopt the same psychology?
When we have a clever idea, why not let the other person say it, but do not make the other party think it is what we think? So, he will think is his own idea; he will like it.
Don't forget: "First, pick up the opponent's eager desire. You can do this, you can master the world;
Unable people will live alone. "
Please remember this rule:
"It is urgently desired to be in the heart of others."
