Avoid harmful art
Carnegie believes that when you get along with others, you should learn to respect others and minimize harm to others. A harmonious person is the basis of relationships between people from each other.
The essence of the study and experience of the study and experience, Carnegie showed the art of avoiding harm when they got along with people.
Carnegie briefed the experience between him and his niece. A few years ago, his niece Josephin Carnegie, leaving the hometown of Kansas City, and served as a secretary of Carnegie in New York. She was 19 years old, and high school graduated for three years, but the experience is almost equal to zero. Now, she is one of the perfect secretary of the West Hemisphere.
However, when you have just started working, there are still many shortcomings. One day, Carnegie is trying to criticize her, but immediately said to himself, "Wait, Dell Carnegie. Your age is doubled, your life experience is almost 30,000 times. How can you hopes that she has the same point of view, your judgment, your rush - Although these are very ordinary. What are you doing when you are 19 years old? Remember your stupid mistake Is it a move?
After honest and fairly thought about it, Carnegie has been conclusively, and Josephin is ninety years old than him, and he is very embarrassed, he does not often praise Josephine.
Since then, when Carnegie wants to point out the mistake of Joseph, always said:
"Josephfen, you made a mistake, but God knows that many mistakes I have made are worse than you. Of course, you can't get among you, you can get it in experience, and you are more than I am young. I have done so many stupid stupid things, so I don't want to criticize you or anyone. But don't you think that if you do this, isn't it smart? "
If a person is modest to be modest, he may also make mistakes, not impeccable, then others listened to him to make their own fault, maybe it will not be difficult to ear.
Far in 1909, the character of Elegant Block is very necessary. Prince Bo Luo was the Prime Minister of Germany, and the German emperor is William II - the last emperor of Germany. He arrived and self -... He established an army and navy and boasted to conquer the world.
Then, an amazing thing happened. The German emperor said some madness and some incredible words, shocking the entire European continent, causing a series of trends around the world. More bad, this German emperor actually made these stupid, ridiculous words, when he was in the UK, he said that the "Daily Telegraph" of London did not allow what he said. For example, he claims that he is a friendly German in British. He said that he established a navy against Japan's threat; he said he saved the UK alone, so that the UK was from the surrender Su Russian and France; he said, due to his planning, Jazz, Robert, British Beat the Bolssen;
In the peaceful period of more than a hundred years, there is no such surprising words without a European monarch. The entire European continent is immediately angry, and the UK is particularly angry, and Germany politicians are terrified. In this case, the German emperor he also panicked, and proposed to the prince of the Minister of the Imperial Prime Minister, he would bear all the blame, I hope that the Prince Bo will announce that this is his responsibility. It is recommended that the king said that these are difficult to believe.
"But, Your Majesty," Blog said, "This is almost impossible for me.
In Germany and the United Kingdom, no one will believe that I have the ability to recommend these words. "
The Brusin said, it will understand the big mistake, the emperor is very annoyed. "You think I am a stupid man," he called, "I will only do something you will not commit!" Bo said that he should compliment a few words, then propose criticism; but since it is too late, He had to take a second step: that is, after criticism, it will be praised. This commendation often does not want the effect.
"I don't have this kind of meaning." He replied, "His Majesty is a lot of me, and the most important thing is natural science. Explain the barometer, or the radio report, or RMS radiation At the time, I often pay attention to listening, my heart is very admired, and I feel very embarrassed. Every door for natural science is ignorant, and there is no concept of physics or chemistry, and even explaining the simplest natural phenomena. However, "Block Princes continued," In order to compensate for this shortcomings, I have learned some historical knowledge, as well as some knowledge of politics, especially diplomacy. "
The emperor has a smile. Parents praised him and made himself humble, this is worthy of all. "I don't often tell you," he enthusiastically claimed that "the two of our two have a short longer, can we be famous? We should unite together, we should be so!"
He and Blot of Parents, he was very excited to hold the double punch and said: "If anyone says the bad words of the Prince Block, I will hit his nose."
If the light is to say a few words, you can make an arrogant German emperor into a strong friend, then you can imagine it, in our daily affairs, humble and praised you. How much help will help.
If it is used, they will be able to make a real miracle in the people.
Even if he has not changed his mistake, as long as he admit his mistake, he can help another person change his behavior. This sentence is that Mali Lannimonnim is recently said, because he saw his fifteen-year-old son is trying to smoke.
"Of course, I don't want David to smoke, but his mother smoked, we have always give him a bad example. I explain to David, I started smoking as he asked him, and Nikotine defeated I have made me almost impossible now. I also remind him that I have a cough now. "
"I didn't advise him to quit smoking, or intimidate the harm to smoke. I just told him that how I am fascinated with it."
The result of the conversation not only made his son stopped the attempt to smoking, but also because of his family's support, he successfully stopped smoke.
Carnegie summarizes: To change a person, it is not hurt, or causing hatred, it is necessary to comply with such rules:
"Change your own mistake before criticizing others."
Carnegie pointed out that with "suggestions" instead of "command", it can not only maintain the other's self-esteem, but also make him help to correct the mistake and cooperate with you.
Carnegie has been honored to eat with Miss Iard Tabel, the most famous biography writer in the United States. He told her that it is writing important books about "how to do people". She told Carnegie, when she wrote a biography for Owen, visited a person who had worked for three years in the same office in the same office. This person claims that during that time, he never heard Ou Wen · Yang to anyone directly ordered. He is always suggested, not a command. For example, Ou Wen Jin never said "Do this or do that," or "Don't do this, don't do that." He always said, "You can consider this," or "Do you think, can you do this? "He often said after a letter," What do you think this letter? "He always said:" Maybe we change this sentence, it will compare It is better. "He always gives people a chance; he never tells him how to do things; he let them do itself, let them learn success from their own mistakes.
This method makes people easy to correct his mistakes, and maintain people's self-esteem, so that he is very important to think that he wants to cooperate with you without rebelling you.
Carnegie reminds people to pay attention, the anger caused by the rude elders may last longer, even if he is correct, it will be the case.
Tang Datsui Titi is a teacher in a vocational school in Wuling City, Pennsylvania. He has a student blocking an entrance to the college because of illegal parking. One mentor rushed into the classroom, asked with a very fierce tone: "Whose car blocked the lane?" When the owner answered, the mentor shouted: "You will give it to me, otherwise I will put it. Tie the iron chain towed away. "
This student is wrong, the car should not stop there. But from that day, not only this student felt anger to the mentor, and the students who had passed with him, making his work more unpleasant.
He could have been processed in a completely different way. If his friendly asked: "Who is the car on the lane?" And suggested that "If you drive it away, the other cars can enter and leave it." This student will be happy to drive it away. .
And he and his classmates will not be so angry.
We are at your life to take into account your face. Therefore, if a sentence or two sentences are considered, the attitude toward others can reduce the damage to others and keep his face.
A few years ago, General Electric Co., Ltd. facing a work that needs to be careful:
Exemption from Charles Stand Metz, a department of a department. Stanmetz has more than other people's genius in terms of electrical appliances, but the supervisor of the calculation department has been completely failed. However, the company did not dare to take him, and the company absolutely couldn't hear him - and he was very sensitive. So they gave him a new title, so that he served as "General Electric Company Consultant Engineer" - work or before, just changed a new title - and let other people serve as departmental supervisors.
For this mobilization, Standerz is very happy.
Advanced staff of General Company is also very happy. They have mobilized the work of this most violent big-name star, and their practices did not cause a big storm - because they let him keep the face.
Let him have a face! How important is this, how extremely important, and we have few people think of this! We cruelly smudge the feelings of others, and self-righteous; we criticized a child or employee in front of others, find a mistake, threatening, and even consider whether to hurt others. Self-esteem. However, one or two minutes of thinking, one or two sentences are considered to beware of the attitude of others, can reduce the damage to others.
Next time, we should remember this when we are resigning a maid or employee.
Carnegie cited accountant Marshall Grant wrote to him. "" Extending employees is not very interesting, is being opened, and our work is seasonal, so in March, we Many people must walk.
"No one is happy, this has become the motto of our industry. Therefore, we have evolved into a custom, try to handle this matter as soon as possible. Usually in the following ways: 'Please sit, Mr. Smith This season has passed, we seem to have no more work to handle it. Of course, you also understand that you are only helped in the most busy season, "and so on."
"These words give them disappointment and 'abandoned' feelings. Most people in them are engaged in accounting work in their lives, and they will abandon their companies so soon, and of course they will not have special love.
"I have recently decided to dispassionate our company's excessive people. Therefore, I am carefully considering that each of them will come in by each person in winter. I am like this to them. : Mr. Smith, your work performance is very good. That time we sent you to New Warc, it's a very hard task. You have encountered some difficulties, but it is very appropriate, we hope you know you know, company I am proud of you. You are very popular with this industry -
No matter where you work, there will be very bright future. The company has confidence in you, support you, we hope you don't forget! 'The results of it? Although they left the company, they didn't feel much for their own dismissal. They won't feel the excessive. They know that if we have a job to them, we will stay them. Since we need, they will come up with us. "
At a semester of Carnegie courses, two students discuss the negative effects of picky errors and let people retain the face's positive effects. Ferry Clark, Harrisburg, Penno, provided a thing that happened in his company: "In our production meeting, a viendian board is a very sharp to eat, ask a production supervision, this The supervision is the management process.
His tone is full of attacks, and it is clear that the supervision is improper in work. In order not to be humiliated in front of him, the supervised answer is unclear. This is more like a vice directors to launch fire, he strictly blames this supervision and says he lies.
All the achievements before this encounter were destroyed at this moment. This supervision, it was a very good employee. From that moment, he did not use our company. A few months later, he left our company and worked for another company. As far as I know, he is very competed there. "
Another student, Anna Mazzi provides a very similar thing to the above situation, which is different from handling methods and results. Miss Mazi, which can be able to get it, is a market acquisition expert in a food packaging industry. Her first job is a new product market test. She told the class to say: "When the result is coming back, I can be really miserable. Worse, before the next meeting, I didn't have time to discuss with my boss.
"When I report to me, I was really afraid to shook. I didn't make my own spirit, and I know that I can't cry, I can't let those who think that women are too emotional and unable to serve as an excuse. I The report is very short, just say that because of a mistake, I will re-study before the next meeting.
After I sat down, I thought that the boss would criticize me.
"However, he thank you for my work and emphasizes that it is not very unrest in a new plan. And he has confidence, the second census will be more meaningful to the company.
"After the snake, my thoughts are chaotic, I will decide, I will never let my boss disappoint again." Carnegie believed that we were right, others were absolutely wrong, we will also destroy others His self. The legendary French flying pioneer and writer Antona De St. Sohe is written: "I have no right to do or tell anything to devalue a person's self-esteem. It is important not to think he thinks, but People think that herself, the self-esteem of hurt people is a crime. "
Carnegie tells us that when dealing with interpersonal relationships, the people who are ultimate are ultimate, just like the fairy stick in the "Cinderella" story, point in him, this will give him a new from the beginning to the end.
If a good worker has become a crude worker, what will you do? You can dismiss him, but this doesn't solve any problems; you can scold the worker, but this usually only causes grievance.
An example of Carnegie illustrates this problem.
Henry Hanke is a service manager of a truck dealer in Lowestin, Indiana. His company has a worker and works every condition. But Henry Hanke did not roar or threaten him, but call him to the office and talk to him.
He said: "Bill, you are a great mechanic. You have been working on this line for a few years. The car you repaired is also very satisfied. In fact, there are many people praise your technology. But recently, The time you need to complete a job is extended, and your quality is not more than the previous level. You used to be an outstanding mechanic, I think you must know, I am not very satisfied with this situation. Maybe we You can think of a way to improve this issue together. "
Bill replied that he didn't know that he did not have his duty and he assured his boss. He did not exceed his expertise, he will definitely improve it.
His did he did it? You can definitely do it. He used to be a fast and excellent mechanic. Since Mr. Han, he will work hard to respect his honor.
Mrs. Rubsham Hapkin, a fourth-year teacher in Brookly, New York, when she read the student roster in the class, the first day of the semester, the excitement of the new semester and the color of happiness : This year, there is a "bad child" in the whole school in her class - Tom. Tom's third grade teacher, constantly complaining to colleagues or principals, as long as there is anyone is willing to listen, he will keep Tom's bad things. He is not just a prank, fighting with boys, playing girls, rude to the teacher, disturbing order in the class, and the situation seems to be more worse. The only thing he can rest assured is that he will learn the school's homework and very skilled.
Mrs. Hapkin decided to face "Tom Issues" immediately. When she saw her new student, she said: "Luo, the clothes you wear are very beautiful. I heard that you have a lot of painting." When she read Tom, she looked straight to Tom He said to him: "Tom, I know that you are a born leader. This year I have to rely on you to help me into the best class in the fourth grade. She has always emphasized this, praise Tom Everything to do, and comment on his behavior is a good student. With the United States worth struggling, even a nine-year-old boy will not disappoint her. And he really did it.
Carnegie summarizes, if you want to surpass yourself in the leadership method, please remember this rule when you want to change your attitude and behavior, please remember this rule:
"Give others a beautiful name, let him struggle for this."
We usually hope that others can follow their own wishes to do something, but let others be happy to do it, you must let him understand, how important he is, this, this will feel How important is it to him. Looking back in 1915, the Americans at the time were uneasy. Because more than a year, European countries have never happened to each other, and there will never be such a tragic situation in human bloody records, will there be peace? Nobody knows. But the US President Urr Wilson was determined to try. He sent a private peace to make a strong conference in Europe.
Secretary of State William Gin is a peaceful support, I really want to do this. He thinks this is a chance to recommend yourself and make your name. But Wilson assigned another person - his friendship and consultant Croinil Edward House. This matter is very tricky to House, he doesn't know how to tell Bewritten this unpopular news and does not charge him.
"Bew Yang knows that I am in Europe, I am very disappointed." Croinil wrote in his diary: "Before this, he planned to do this ..."
Croiel said: "The President believes that the official personnel will be wrong. If he goes, it will cause many people's attention. People will weird send him?"
Do you see this implied? HOS is actually telling Bewritting, he is too important, take this task too much eye, and Bew Yang has nothing to say.
House is well-behaved, and he complies with a very important law in interpersonal relationships: let others be happy to do what you suggested.
Ubul Wilson invited William Djib McAdu to participate in his cabinet, it also used the same method. Become a pavilion is the highest honor of the President, but Wilson invites Mike Adu in another way, so that he feels great. The following is what McAdu said, "Wilson said he wants to group a cabinet. If I am willing to accept the finance minister, he will be very happy.
His way to do is very pleasant. He has made an impression, making me feel that I accepted this glory, I helped him. "
Unfortunately, Wilson does not often follow this method. If he is always like this, history may be rewritten. For example, the Wilson initiative to set up an international alliance and did not make congress and Republican. Wilson refused to take the Republican leader to participate in the peace meeting. On the contrary, he took some silent people from his own party. He refuted the Republican parties that he participated in the International Alliance is his idea of the Republican party, and refused them to plug in a foot. The result of rude handling of the interpersonal relationship is that it has destroyed his political career, destroying his health, shortened life, so that the United States does not participate in the National Union, changing the history of the world.
Politicians are not the only person with this method. Dell Franger, Indiana, is also a way to make his children voluntarily do their housework.
Carnegie said that he knew that a gentleman must often refuse from a friend, the speaker's speech, but he did a skill, making it satisfied with those rejected. How did he do it? He is not only telling people that he is very busy, or it is very this, but it is recommended to be a replacement after the invitation of people and is sorry because of unacceptable. In other words, he does not let others have time to consider the refusal, he immediately puts this person's thoughts, and guides the person who can speaking.
Hante Schisi, in the course of Siede, Carnegie, he mentioned this: An employee often invested the price card in front of various items in the food store, which makes the customer can't figure out the price. And complained in this matter frequently. Remind her to advise her, nothing to talk to her. Finally, Mr. Schisi took her into the office, talked to her, please be responsible for the price of the whole store, this immediately made her attitude completely changed, from which, she was very responsible for her price card supervision . In this way, some people will think that childish, and this is also what people criticize Napoleon. When he could customize the honorary medal, he issued 15,000 to him, and raised the 18 general to "French Marshal", and said that his army was "invincible land army", some people criticized Napoleon used " Toy "" The veteran of the war baptism, and Napoleon: "People are led by the toys."
This policy of "Given the title" can be used for Napoleon, of course, can also be used for you. Carnegie said, for example, his friend Ennist Jarete, lived in Shikasdar in New York, she was in a group of boy tied to her grass and worried about her grass. She tried to rebumer, kid, but both were useless. So she tried to give him the most worse name of the group to give him a sense of authority. She gave him to her "exploration", which is responsible for expelting all invasion grassers, which solves her problem. Her "exploration" ignited a fire in the backyard, burned a soldering iron, and threatened other children, don't step into the grass, otherwise he would brand it.
Carnegie warned, an excellent leader, should put the following books in your heart, when you need to change people's attitude or behavior:
To be sincere, don't promise things that you can't honor, forget your own interests, concentrate on the interests of others. To know exactly what you want others to do. Imagine someone else. Ask yourself, what others really want. It is estimated that someone else is doing your suggestion, what is it? Take these benefits with him. When you ask your request, let others feel that he will benefit.
For example, we can say this: "John, tomorrow, there is a guest, I hope that the bun room looks clean, so I cleaned it, put the goods well on the shelves, the counter wipes clean." Or we can change one way To ask him to do this, and let him know the interests he can have: "John, I have a job. If you do it now, you will not have to do it. I will take some guests tomorrow, visit some guests. Our equipment, I want to take them to visit the room, but there is dirty, if you can sweep, put the goods on the shelf, and wipe the counter so that we look more efficient, and you also have good for the company. The impression of a force. "
Do you want to do your suggestion? May not be very happy, but if you don't say interest, he will be more unhappy. Assume that you know John's cleaning in the warehouse, and is interested in the company's image, he will work together. This can also make John know that this work must be done. He is doing now, and you will not have to do it.
If you think that the results you have when you use these methods, it's too irritating. But most people's experience shows that if you use this way, you can change people's attitude than if you don't have to use these principles. If you only increase the success of 10%, then you have more than 10% of the leadership efficiency - this is your interest.
More people will do it according to your hopes, if you abide by the following rules:
"Let others be happy to do what you suggest."
The world's famous psychologist Steina is proved in his experiment. An animal that has a reward in the study. It is better than one animal that is punished by poor behavior, and more Remember it. Further studies have shown that humans have the same situation. We use criticisms and cannot make people with permanent changes, but often cause a resentment.
Another great psychologist Ji Lai said: "We hoped to get praised others, the same, we are also extremely afraid of the accusation of others."
The resentment caused by criticism often reduces the morale and emotions of employees, family members, and friends, and the situation accredited still has not improved.
Jiang Shidon, Oklahoma, is a security coordinator of an engineering company. One of his duties is to supervise employees working on site to wear a hard hat. He said that he had encountered a person who did not wear a hard hat, and he told them to the official regulation, and they must abide by the company's regulations. Although the employee accepted his correction, it was unhappy, and he often took the hard hat after he left.
He decided to take another way. Next time he found someone when he didn't wear a hard hat, he asked them that the hard hat was uncomfortable, or what is not suitable. He then reminded them with a pleasant tone, and the purpose of wearing a hard hat is to protect them from harm. It is recommended to wear a hard hat when they work. The result is that people who comply with the regulations that wear a hard hat are more and more, and they have not caused resentment or emotional dissatisfaction.
Avoto Roosevelt and Tower Turning have happened more than a famous debate -
The debate broke the Republican part, so that Wilson entered the White House and wrote the brilliant page of the World War. When Roosevelt stepped out of the White House in 1908, he made Tower to the President and then went to the hunted lion in Africa. When he came back, it was a big thunder. He rebuilt the conservatism of Tihu, which intends to get the second nomination for himself, so it consists of a male babies, and the Republican also cars. Then the results of the election, the tiger and the Republican Party only gave the votes of the two states - Vimonas and Utah. This is a republican party's unprecedented fiasco.
Ross volley tower, but the Tower Turning president blame himself?
of course not. Tower said: "I can't see how I do it, I can have different from me before."
Who is it going to blame? Roosevelt or Tower Turning? Carnegie's promise he doesn't know, and no matter. But Carnegie has seen another aspect of the problem: all Roosevelt criticism can't make tiger acknowledged that he was wrong. The result is only to defend the tiger to defend himself, and the tears said repeatedly: "I can't see how I do it, I can have different from me before."
Take the "Teapot Cover Oilfield" Case. The report was attacked for many years. As a result, the entire country fell. In this generation's memory, the US political community has not had this kind of thing. The tropical truth is this: Haden President's interior of the Ministry of the Interior of the Ministry of Obm, the main government in the Alke's hills and teapot, and the oil field is reserved for the future use of the Navy. of. Does Fur Minister have to make others public bidding? No. He simply handed the interests of the contract to his friend Edward Dubi. How do Dubani do? He gave Flem to 100,000 US dollars "loan". Since then, Flem Minister ordered the US Navy to enter the area, lie to those opponents, lest the oil wells from the surrounding oil. Those opponents, after being rushed under the tip of the gun, rushed into the court, exposed a 200,000 dollar teapot capsae field fraud. The result is a lot of boiling, ruining the ruling of the Haden President, provoking the public anger of the country, to get the Republican party, and make the Fu fall into the iron window.
Fluore was scallted to the dog's blood head - no civil servants were so miserable. But he didn't regret at all! After many years, Hoover hinted to the death of the President of Haden in a public speech, which made him focus and worry. When Mrs. Flas heard this passage, jumped from the chair, tears, holding his fists, screaming: "What! Haden is sold by Fleder? No! I never never Selling anyone, the golden houses can't make me a charm. He should be a person who is sold on the execution ground, nailing a cross. "Here, humanity is showing, people who do wrong things will only We will blame others, and we will not blame yourself. So when you want to criticize others tomorrow, we must understand that criticism is like a family pigeon, they will always come back. We must understand that people we prepare to correct and accuse may defend themselves, in turn condemn us; or, like Wen Ya's tiger, he will say: "I can't see how I do it, I can follow me The difference is different. "
On April 15, 1865, Lincoln lying in the bedroom of the Ford Theater is opposite a cheap inn, some people shoot him in the theater. Lincoln's thin body is oblidered in the bed. Above the bed, there is a cheap replica of the famous Losaman famous painting "Master", and a gas lamp has a bleak yellow haak.
When Lincoln lying down, the War Minister Stereon said, "It is the most perfect head of the world."
What is the secret of the success of Lincoln? Carnegie has studied Lincoln's life for ten years, and spent three years of time, writing, and retouching a book called "the glory of human nature". He believes that he has done all the possibility of human beings, and has made detailed and thorough research on Lincoln's personality and home. During the way of Lincoln with others, Carnegie has done a special study. Does he like to criticize others? Yes it is. When he is young, in the pigeon rig in Indiana, he is not just criticism, but also writes the letter to the poem, and throwing those letters, will be discovered by others. Among them, there is a letter caused by the dislike, lasted for a lifetime.
When Lincoln implemented a lawyer business in Yichun Township Town, Lincoln, even sent a book to the newspaper, publicly attacked his opponent.
In the fall of 1842, he laughed with a conceited Irish named James Stuz. Lincoln reported an unsolicited letter in the spring of the Spring Festival, ridiculed him, and the people in the town laughed. Sylz is a sensitive and proud person who is angry. He found that the person who wrote that letter, jumped on the horse, looking for Lincoln, and made a duel with him. Lincoln didn't want to fight with him, he opposed the duel; but for his face and had to duel. The other party gave him the freedom to choose the weapon, because his arms were very long, he chose the long sword of the cavalry and learned the dance sword with a graduate of a West Point military school. On the day of the duel, he met in a beach in the Minissi River, preparing for duel. However, in the last minute, their assistants blocked this duel.
This is the most horrible private event in Lincoln. In terms of being a human art, he learned an invaluable lesson. He has never written a letter of insulting letters, and he no longer makes anyone. From then on, he had almost unscrupled anyone.
The President of Tido Roosevelt said that when he was president, if he met a tricky problem, he often rely on, looked up at the huge portrait of the Lincoln on his white house office, asking himself, "If Lincoln In this case, what will he do? How will he solve this problem?"
When we would like to take someone "狗 血 血", we took out a five-piece dollar bill from the pocket and see the portrait of Lincoln on the banknote, and asked: "If Lincoln encounters this problem. How will he dispose? "
Mark Temina often makes a lot of temper, and the written flavor is enough to grant the letter paper. For example, once he wrote a letter to someone opposed him, "I should be a death burial license. You will definitely help you get this license." Once, he Write a letter to a editor, talk about a school to attempt to "improve my scrabble and punctuation". He wrote in the tone of the command: "The situation in this regard must follow my discretion, and to teach the school to leave his suggestions inside his already decaying."
Write these letters that can tingle others, so that Mark spit is very happy. In this way, his angry, and these letters have not caused any bad response, because his wife has quietly taken these letters, no post, these letters have not been sent.
Do you want to persuade someone to change some bad habits? Carnegie thinks this is very good, he is very good. But why not start from yourself? From a pure selfish point of view, this is much more beneficial to improve others, and there is a lot of risks.
Bairan Ning said: "If a person starts with his heart first, he is a valuable person." To revolve all your shortcomings may have to go to Christmas. At that time, you can rest well in the holidays, then use the New Year's Day to persuade and criticize others.
Carnegie emphasizes that you must practice yourself perfect, then you can persuade others.
"Don't complain to the snow on the roof of the people, when you are in your own mouth."
Carnegie recalls: "When I am still young, I want to show someone. I wrote a letter to the writer in Hamding Davis, he once in the American literary world. I am currently Handwritten a magazine article about writers; I asked Davis to tell me his writing method. In the past few weeks, I received a letter, my letter was written: 'oral letter, didn't read.' " I feel great. I think people who write the letter must be very unrest, very busy, very important. I am not busy at a point; but I am eager to show someone in the Harding Davis, so I am at the end of the short quarter, with these words as a conclusion: 'oral letters, not read. '"He didn't look at my letter at all, and only gave me the merits, and wrote on the tail of herbs:' Your politeness is really no polite. 'Yes, I was doing wrong, maybe I am picking up. But as a mortal, I don't think it is so deep. When I learned to know the death of Rhazha Davis, my heart was still thinking about my injury. "
Carnegie admire: "If you want to cause a decades after tomorrow, until death can disappear, as long as you gently spit out a vicious comment - no matter how you do yourself, you will be reasonable."
Therefore, Carnegie believes that when we are in place, we have to remember, and our people are not logical, and our people are full of emotional characters, are full of prejudice, proud and vanity.
Slim criticism, making sensitive Tom Mas Hadi - he has made one of the best writers of British literature, always abandoned novel writing; criticize the British poet Tom Mas Chatrie to commit suicide.
When Bang Jieming Franklin is young, the wrist is not enough, and later getting along with people so sleek, so practiced, the result is appointed as the US Ambassador. The secret of his success is: "I don't say anyone's bad things," he said, "... I just said that I know the strength of everyone I know."
To understand and understand others, you need personalities and homemade.
"A great person," Carlis said, "to express his greatness in the way he treats small characters." Bun Hoover is a famous test franchise, and often performs flight in the air exhibition. One day, he flew back to Los Angeles after the performance of the Shengdi Tenta Air Exhibition. As the "Flight" magazine is described, the height of the three hundred feet in the air, the two engines suddenly turned off. Due to his skilled technology, he manipulated a plane landing, but the aircraft was seriously damaged, fortunately no one was injured.
After a disgrace, the first action of Hoover is the fuel of the aircraft. As he expect, the propeller plane when he drives the second world war, actually installed the jet fuel rather than gasoline.
After returning to the airport, he asked to see the mechanic of the aircraft, the young mechanic was extremely sad. When Hoover walked him, he was tearing. He has caused a very expensive aircraft to lose, and the three people have lost their lives.
You can imagine Hoover will inevitably be extremely angry, and it is expected that this is very honored, and the accurate pilot will inevitably take the negligence of the mechanic. However, Hoover did not scold the mechanic, and even did not criticize him. On the contrary, he hugged the shoulders of the mechanic with his arm, saying to him: "In order to show me that you will not make mistakes, I want you to maintain the plane tomorrow."
Kamurance saw that parents will unfamitely criticize their children. Carnegie believes that the child is not a criticism, but Carnegie said: "Before you criticize the child, please read one of the typical articles of the US News report" unhappy father "." This article first boarded "family" Chronicles' editorial column.
"Not thoughtful father" is a small piece of text - it is written because of the feelings of the time - but a lot of readers, causing people's heart string, so as to become the most popular articles that you like to read and reprinted. Since this article published in the first time, Li Wensis La Laukide wrote: "All American magazines and newspapers are reprinted, and there is almost the same in foreign countries. The situation. I agree with thousands of people, let them read this article in the school, in the church and in the speaker. It is still broadcast in countless opportunities and the show. Strange is that college publication is published It, the secondary school publication is also available. Sometimes a small article is magical. This small article does have the same effect. "
The revelation of this article is that we don't blame others, we have to try to understand them, we have to try to understand why they do that. This is more beneficial than criticism, and it is more senseful; this is also sympathy, tolerated, and kind. "It's all about it, it is complete forgiveness."
Carnegie's disorder is indeed very special. He first asked people to go deep into his heart, first discovered the shortcomings of ourselves, and then point out the mistakes and insufficient people of others, so that others can accept it. This method of treatment, we may wish to try.
